Adult children of Emotionally Immature parents

[srivili]

My daughter sent me a text today  to read the book "Adult children of Emotionally Immature parents"  and she thinks this will help me to understand where she is coming from.

Has anyone of you read the book?

I totally agree that as parents we made mistakes but not 'bad parents' in bringing them up. She was emotionally sensitive and we didn't even know the term until recently and how it affects the interactions.
How do we resolve our mistakes with what they need from us?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello srivili

How mature and thoughtful of your daughter to recommend this book to you on the premise of you "understanding where she is coming from"...rather than..."this is what you did to me"! 

Also, kudos to you for accepting her suggestion the way you have!  Indeed, we ALL make mistakes.  The biggest mistake would be not to learn from them...not to work on doing better.

Oh that these children of ours would have emerged with a manual attached!  Oh that our different personalities would have meshed better!  Oh...well...didn't happen!  Sadly some of us are called upon to weather storms that others don't...and some of us here weather through hurricanes.

Srivili, what with this interaction with your daughter and your willingness to see and try to understand her "truth"...I think you will have a lot to add to this community.   I truly hope the stage is set for all to work towards better tomorrows.  Probably more weight, more understanding...will be on your shoulders as she works through her pain.

Looking forward to reading more about your journey.

Huat

[srivili]

Hi Huat,

Your words are like a soothing balm. Looks like you have the art of communication. Yes, I agree that she didn't say this is what you did to me. We are trying to work hard on our past issues and this book seems to be a good one to see my role much more clearly in this. I always thought I protected the kids from my controlling husband. I see how my utmost need to 'keep peace' at all costs have cost the kids. Both her and her younger sister. I have only read 4 chapters of the book and already see why that has affected her so much.

Thanks,
Srivilli

[Huat]

Thank YOU, Srivili, for those kind words which encourage me to keep posting.

Indeed, pretty well each and every morning I wake to remember that, yet again, I am in a period of being estranged from the troubled daughter (and her children!) who I love so much.  Wasn't so long ago that that thought would continue on to consume and ruin my days.   It has taken a lot of work to reclaim my life (a work in progress!) and one of the things that I have found to help me along my journey of healing has been to reach out to others on this forum, with the hope of helping them on theirs.

So when I read..."Your words are like a soothing balm"...it really did bring joy to my heart and put a smile on my face.  My day is made!

Onward and upward fellow Mom!

Huat