BPD wife is also experiencing dementia.

[Daddy Rabbit]

This is my first post. I have been married 42 years. My wife as always exhibited personality disorder traits, but I did not know about BPD until about 20 years ago. I have experienced almost everything outlined in the egg shell book.

Over the past year, she has also developed dementia. The verbal abuse has become a drunken 2 to 3 hour spewing every night. I am trying to remain strong but I can tell I am feeling the strain. I am concerned about injuring my own mental and / or physical health. I am attacked for spending an hour exercising - at home or at a gym. Her physical health is poor and she can't do anything very strenuous. She just watches TV all day and accuses me of not caring if I do anything besides sitting with her all day. (I am excused for mowing the lawn or working on the house of course).

I have gone scuba diving two times this summer and have a specialty scuba training class scheduled for this weekend. She has a meltdown every time I tell her I want to go dive. Three weekends does not seem excessive to me, but then again I have lived in a BPD world so long I'm not always sure what is "normal". It seems like since she can't (sometimes won't is the correct word) do any of her hobbies cake decorating; painting; cooking), it if is unfair for me to have hobbies.

How do I maintain the balance between being emphatic for her situation and not allowing myself to just be constantly manipulated by the personality disorder.



   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

wow. 42 years.

the first thing is that it really sounds like you could use a steady support system. i know of no better place. you dont have to do this alone, and that can make all the difference in the world.

can you tell us some more about the meltdowns, the back and forth? we can help walk you through.