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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Interested in sex all the time, but there was no romance  (Read 198 times)

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Temporarily Separated
Posts: 36

« on: September 12, 2020, 05:31:08 PM »

When I first started seeing my now ex wBPD, she was interested in sex all the time, but there was no romance or flirting.  It was just sex.  Then, as time progressed, and she wanted us to commit to each other, the sex continued by grew increasingly less often and there was still no romance or flirting (which is a first for me in a relationship).  I would try to do romantic gestures and flirt, but was usually just reciprocated with a "thanks."

She didn't like to be touched that much either outside of sex.  If we were sitting on the couch watching tv, she'd occasionally put her hand on my leg while we were watching sometimes (but she had to initiate it and not me), but then if our knees touched on the couch, that was another story.  She would jerk away.  She would sometimes want to hold hands in public.  She didn't like to kiss hardly at all outside of the context of sex, which was also new for me.

Also, I didn't realize until later that she associated sex with painful memories from her past (or that's what I think).  She was sexually abused as a child by a few family members (I didn't know the extent of this when we were dating).  I wonder if that is where her fear of intimacy came from.  There were so many nights where we would get in bed, would start doing something  that would lead to sex and she would freak out, get up and get angry about something (accuse me of flirting with someone or ask me if I was just interested in her for sex).  I never understand what that was about.  Why the moment we were about to have sex is what would trigger her being mad at me for something, especially when our sex was so good in the beginning.

I wonder if any of this had to do with her lack/fear of intimacy?
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2

« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2020, 06:07:16 AM »

i'm no expert but definitely sounds like she had a complicated view of sex and intimacy because of her childhood traumatic experiences. Hope she receives the help she needs and at least you know it doesn't reflect anything about you. Thanks for sharing and Good luck with your future relationships
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