there are real, practical reasons, not to share your suspicions.
when it comes to BPD, there is enormous stigma surrounding the parents. it isnt the case, or at the very least, it is a gross over simplification, but if you read around on the internet, youll find a lot of things that suggest that "parents cause bpd". so, imagine a scenario where you confide in your mother in law, and then she reads that. it doesnt end well for you.
when it comes to your spouse, you have to put yourself in their shoes. how would you react if your partner told you they thought you had a personality disorder?
its an open question. maybe youd think it over. maybe youd want to know more about it. ive read here, of that even happening. but lets say you did have one, and lets say you were open to what your partner said, and you looked into it. at some point, you might begin to feel that your partner looked down on you, and that your relationship reflected that. and then youd think of all the various ways that your relationship reflected that, youd resent him, and youd think (and youd be right) that the problems in the relationship were not solely on your end.
Have you told others?
have a support group, a strong one, but have firm boundaries as to who it involves, consider any potential consequences, but also consider how you are using that support group. i dont have a bpd loved one in my life anymore, but if i did, i would want a mix: i would want some folks that i could simply vent to, just go off, get some sympathy. in that mix, i would also want some trusted folks who could challenge my perspective in a way where they knew what i needed to hear, but also how to say it, and would not just validate my own perspective. i would need some of my closest loved ones to know about my struggles, but not in a way that turned them against my spouse, or my relationship.
for what its worth, you can get all of that here.
