My husband committed suicide

[neverwalkalone]

Hi

I am not sure if this post belongs here. My husband took his own life three weeks ago.
I have always suspected he had BPD. I talked to him about it. He promised to look into it. He had a therapist but I have very little information on what they were discussing. I asked him explicitly to discuss this with her. I never heard back.

He was able to move from the most adorable human being to a very scary person. I was always able to calm him down, hold him in my hands and tell him everything was going to be ok. He would cry and tell me he’s sorry and he loved more than anything.
But that terrible day, I left. I told him I needed to breathe. I left for about two hours and that was enough.

I am in deep pain and struggling to live, and struggling with so many emotions, including guilt. I should have known better.

But I am here to understand.. I am here looking for answers.. I’m sorry if this post is not appropriate. Feel free to delete it.

Thank you for reading

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lucky Jim]

Hello neverwalk, Welcome!  I'm terribly sorry to hear about this tragedy.  Of course it's devastating for you and all those left behind.  How long were you married?  What made you suspect that he had BPD?  Fill us in a little when you get a chance.  I suggest that you allow yourself to grieve, without taking on guilt for something over which you had no control.  Don't beat yourself up!  Now is the time to be kind and considerate to yourself.  I suggest that you acknowledge your feelings and let them pass through you.

LuckyJim

[Skip]

Mein herzliches Beileid.

We are here to help.

I've had suicide in my life. These things are incredibly complex. Our emotional response to suicide is also incredibly complex. You are doing the right think to join us and talk it out.

Are you in a stable situation right now with your living expenses? Are there others suffering in the grief wake - children?

Tell us what is going on?

Skip

[Crispy Waffle]

First, you can't hold yourself responsible in any way for his actions. It is correlation, not causation. If not that day, it would have been another day, another triggering event. So first and foremost, take care of yourself and process that grief and guilt and don't let that trap you.

Be well

[HopelessBroken]

Thank you for joining our community.
We are here.
I am so sorry.