6 weeks NC and BAM he's back

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well, tomorrow would have been 6 weeks of absolutely no contact after I was discarded.  I got a text from him this morning saying that he had finally figured out something I had said and made a connection with a song (what I had said had nothing to do with that particular song) but he can think whatever he wants.  Anyways, I know it was him just fishing to initiate some kind of conversation.  I'm guessing things have gone south with my replacement...or who knows ? I didn't reply, and don't plan to. 
I've had 6 weeks to really think about our failed relationship, all of the lies I was told, possibly cheating.  Ironically I was going to block his number yesterday and I didn't because I had deleted his contact and I was too busy to put in the effort of adding it again to block it.  I'm honestly surprised that he reached out, I thought he was gone for good.  At the end I had called him out on his lies and him having my replacement lined up already.  I thought that had put the nail in the coffin. 
I'm not sure what my point is, other than to vent a little and come here and write a little instead of respond to him :/. I'm thankful that I've had these 6 weeks to reflect and realize that I didn't do anything wrong and I don't want to be with him. 

[Ginainny]

Well, tomorrow would have been 6 weeks of absolutely no contact after I was discarded.  I got a text from him this morning saying that he had finally figured out something I had said and made a connection with a song (what I had said had nothing to do with that particular song) but he can think whatever he wants.  Anyways, I know it was him just fishing to initiate some kind of conversation.  I'm guessing things have gone south with my replacement...or who knows ? I didn't reply, and don't plan to. 
I've had 6 weeks to really think about our failed relationship, all of the lies I was told, possibly cheating.  Ironically I was going to block his number yesterday and I didn't because I had deleted his contact and I was too busy to put in the effort of adding it again to block it.  I'm honestly surprised that he reached out, I thought he was gone for good.  At the end I had called him out on his lies and him having my replacement lined up already.  I thought that had put the nail in the coffin. 
I'm not sure what my point is, other than to vent a little and come here and write a little instead of respond to him :/. I'm thankful that I've had these 6 weeks to reflect and realize that I didn't do anything wrong and I don't want to be with him. 

[Turkish]

The mother of our children asked to come back about 4 years after she left me for another (and was still married to at the time though physically separated). It was both validating yet maddening at the same time.

Relationships are the responsibility of both partners, and separated relationships are as well, being two independent entities, responsible for their own choices. Choose wisely for you. 

[Ginainny]

Thanks for your response.  You are right.  I chose not to respond. I still feel like it set me back a few paces.  It's been a week and I'm still over thinking it.

[UnforgivenII]

Please please keep not responding. Don't fall for It. And yes do the effort of adding him again and then block him. Do it. Block him.
You deserve peace.

[Inside]

Stay strong.  They always recirculate..  Mine did, numerous times and ways.  Fortunately, I had the strength and (hard earned) wisdom to ignore her.  While together, she’d actually describe to me what her numerous ex’s were up to!

They are stalkers, constantly assessing if there’s anything left to consume.  Let’s starve them 

[FindingMe2011]

Well, tomorrow would have been 6 weeks of absolutely no contact after I was discarded.


BPD is the failure to separate / individuate from primary caretakers. Consequently, they seek out replications of caretakers found in people who need perfect mirroring.

Many BPD partners are also suffering from immaturity. They also have developmental deficits in their thinking, and they project these onto the unknowing Borderline in order to cast off their own shame and utilize the defects of the Borderline as their combination mirroring agent and marketeer for their false self.

When the false self fails from imperfect mirroring; a huge narcissistic injury ensues. If this causes a jump into a new relationship to soothe the ego and calm the reactive need -then rightfully, the Borderline withdraws. (One of the signs of immaturity and impulsivity is multiple partners overlapping.)

There is no devaluation and discard from the Borderline. There is only a detachment and protection from the failure to become the perfect mirroring agent to a person who NEEDS perfect mirroring.

When a person needs perfect mirroring and must have it from multiple sources; moving on to recycle old flames or search on-line for new ones, or have one-night stands- this is a sign of insecurity. Never to be alone, unable to delay gratification. Always needy. Multiple relationships overlapping during the BPD relationship eliminate trust, safety, and security for a Borderline. This isn't a discard and devaluation- this is an extreme valuation that once temporarily soothed the developmental deficit and need for value. Sometimes, for both parties. One person is doing the necessary stepping back to detach and protect, and yes it involves hurt and mistrust.

Thanks for your response.  You are right.  I chose not to respond. I still feel like it set me back a few paces.  It's been a week and I'm still over thinking it.

Thinking and acting are polar opposites and you chose wisely. We are never as far along as we believe. Whenever I believed I took steps backwards, I had. I missed something. Then again, six weeks really isnt that long and you appear heading in a healthy direction. I wish you well, Peace

[Ginainny]

Thanks for the support guys.  It's been almost a month and I've only gotten 1 call from a private number that I can only assume was him, and I it sent to VM.  And no other contact.  I'm starting a new career next week, and I have been focusing on that.  It has been a great distraction from this.  I hope everyone else is pushing through...keep on keepin' on