New to BPD

[Trudyberg]

I have been married for 15 years. It is a second marriage (first husband told me after 20 years he was gay and left). The day before our wedding as we were leaving the hall after decorating he flew in a rage that ended with him pulling the car over and leaving. I was left going back to the house where family was gathered and I had to pretend all was good. Hours later he showed up. I knew then I probably shouldn’t marry him but did. We have been fighting ever since. About 6 years ago we started seeing a counselor which started us down the road of at least understanding our own histories and owing our own issues. In my last session with the counsellor  he said he saw traits of BPD in my husband and recommended reading Walking on Eggshells. I did but it freaked me out and I couldn’t get it so I threw it out. That was two years ago. Then my first husband died, my brother died, and then my father. The grief was hard so I went back to my counsellor to get help with the grief. He asked how my relationship with hubby was and it was like the scales fell off and things began to make sense. His uncontrollable rages, followed by his over the top sweetness and adoration. How I was always left with figuring out what I had done wrong and how to be a better human. How things were twisted, facts ignored and everything confused.  I am on this site because it is linked to the book. To be honest I don’t want to believe this can be true, that this is my forever. But I’m pretty sure it is. I cannot leave him. He is high functioning and my four grown children adore him and would be totally devastated if I left. Plus I’d be pretty destitute financially having dedicated my life to being a stay at home mom instead of taking a career path.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[WorriedHusband]

Trudyberg, I am so very sorry for what you are going through.  I just recently realized what was going on with my wife and I poured myself into reading and lucky I found this site. I’m a newbie, but this place has been an amazing resource for learning.  I hope you stick around, learn all you can, and share what you feel when you need to