Family under extreme stress

[Confused2020]

Hi all
Have started investigating more about BPD as our extended family is under extreme stress following serious illness of uBPD mother and trying to provide care and support for her without being swallowed whole. Have been listening to Christine Ann Lawson - Understanding the Borderline Mother and really identified with the Waif and Queen mother equally.

My biggest struggle has been with my older sister who is mums closet support and tries to move heaven and earth for my mother who then in turn alternates putting her on a pedestal and abuses her and then talks to me about her etc.

Before my mother's illness, my sister would get angry with me about not doing enough ie spending time with her, looking after her etc. I am usually spread thin with my own life and find mum exhausting and need strong boundaries in place. Mum and my relationship was ok as we had some boundaries in place - her illness smashed all of the healthy boundaries and it has been horrendous with the destressed messages for mum, the agro from my sister and my brother seems to have been recruited as he can do no wrong atm but is usually being _____ talked about.

If i try to explain what's going on for me and how i feel im told off for being selfish and basically an asshole

[Confused2020]

How do I reinstate boundaries with my sister and my mother without getting into arguments?

[beatricex]

Hi Confused2020,
I find this works well for me

(call from BPD'd person, with launch into angry/desperate "why don't you do this, this this or that for me?")

Oh Wow, look at the time, I'm sorry I have to GO.  click


see how there is no apology, no remorse, no capitulation, and no further discussion?  It really does work


B