My wife with BPD married someone else

[Diesel3443]

This is my first time posting and I recently discovered this site. I have read a lot of the other posts and can relate to most all of them.
My wife and I have been together 7 years and married for the past 5 years. She has 4 children from a previous marriage and I love them like my own. I knew about my wifes past (childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a drug abusive parent) and after getting her help dealing with issues she was misdiagnosed as bi-polar and put on medicaion. After being on her medication for a year she stopped taking it and decided it made her feel like a zombie and she didnt like it.

After she stopped taking her meds things went down hill very fast. She became verbaly and physicaly abusive to not only me and the chidren but herself as well. There were several suicide attempts and hospitalizations. Finally we got the diagnosis of Borderline. All of my research about her fit this diagnosis perfectly as she displayed all the traits.

Then she flipped from being terrified I was going to leave her to her packing up the kids while I was at work and ghosting me. At first she would be gone for a couple of days and then come back, then it progressed to a month, then a couple of months, this lat time she left in February and is still gone (now November) we have had very little contact together and she has me blocked on everything. She has a phone I pay the bill on but I found out she acquired a different phone.

Then the shock of my life came...I found out she was living wiht a man and he was posting pictures of her and the kids and posting they were in a relationship togehter on social media. Then two months into their relationship they both posted wedding pictures and changed their status to "married"

Needless to say i am devistated. We are still married and neither one of us have filed for divorce. I am very active in my church and feel divorce is wrong, and marriage is a covenant and god takes covenants very serious. Second, when I married her I promised "in sickness and in health" and she is obiviously sick. No healthy person would do this.

I know in this situation, from my past experience with her leaving, I need to focus on myself and my healing and not get sucked into the sickness. I have been focusing on that and moving on with my life and focusing on my carrier and all other aspects of my life until this plays out. I am so torn and find it becoming hard to concentrate on things and fighting off the depression is a never ending battle. I miss my family so much and have had no contact with her or the kids for so long.

I got a new puppy to help with the lonlyness and it has also helped me having something to care for and take care of, and she is such a great little dog.

My wife was diagnosed with BPD with narcasistic tendiencies. Her rage incidents were horifing. several different times she smashed the windows out of the house, she damaged my new truck with a pipe, would throw what ever wasnt tied down in the house including furniture, even pointed a loaded gun at me trying to shoot me before. I love her dearly and was committed to staying in the marrage no matter came up but I just dont see how we can ever come back from this even if she were to want to try.

From what I know, the new marrage with the sudden boyfriend is over already and only lasted 2 months. She is still using his last name but they have seperated more then a month ago and she is not living with him anymore. I dont know where she is at now.

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[Inside]

I’m sorry that religion has you tied down.  Free of the same, I left a potentially equivalent situation. 

I understand the hurt, it took me years (and this place) to heal.  Sounds like her behavior continues unchanged.  I’d heard the stories and history of my former mate (dodged marriage), even met a couple of her former guys.  Coming to realize, they were pretty cool; she had/ has the problem.

My relationship with her eventually ended.  After couples counseling and seven brakeups, she acknowledged something was wrong with her.  I’d been willing to continue on, but the emotional scar tissue was too thick to avoid.  So for only the second time (of seven), I left, for good. 

From what I’ve learned in several books and many sources, BPD is often diagnosed as Bipolar, as medical insurance considers BPD incurable, and Bipolar treatable.  My feeling is, once they’ve been discovered, even diagnosed, they move on.  It’s easier in their minds to find someone else than deal with their condition, no matter how much they’re loved.

Twas like a drug, to me.  But a drug that was killing me.  Normal women seemed boring, or slow in comparison; not any more 

She sounds like a legal liability.  Her behavior has not changed, and likely never will.  I found, the tighter you cling, the more explosive they become.  Seems you have, too.  And if that much water’s passed under the bridge, I’d feel free to let it continue flowing.  Continue to heal, it took me years.  But my No Contact policy needed to be followed, as they rarely stay away.