Welcome! I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you're doing a lot of processing, processing that is best done as early as possible. You'll find some great resources here.
I like her a lot of course and in many ways it seems "selfish" to be so scared because of this while she has to deal with it regardless of our relationship. I feel really bad for her and sometimes trying to grasp what happend to her and what she still has to deal with really disturbs me a lot emotionally.
It's really not selfish at all. Your concern is merited, as is any attention you give to your long term decision. This is a serious matter. People successfully navigate relationships with pwBPD but it's not without heartache, intentionality, and a lot of work.
Is she in counseling to treat her BPD symptoms? Does she have a support network? Do you?
Also I fear the manipulation that often presents itself in these situations.
She is very good at making me feel attached to her, and I do not know if that is because we really match eachother very well or if manipulation plays into this.
It's pretty important to note that BPD's 'manipulation' isn't necessarily driven by cruel intent. What you're seeing is most likely deeply ingrained survival tactics that she uses to have her needs met. Learning this allowed me to take the indignation and hurt out of my response and simply set boundaries.
We cannot change pwBPD. We can improve the relationship by shifting our responses, but even then, the outcome isn't guaranteed. The pwBPD may improve with serious and committed treatment. It's also common for them to be averse to treatment.
For context: I personally also have some issues (not BPD or abuse related) and for me marriage and kids are absolutely necessairy in a relationship eventually. This affects my relationship choices a lot.
You have some very serious things to think about, and it also sounds like you're not interested in anything casual. I hear some urgency to make a decision, is that accurate? What are you doing to learn about BPD? Does it help to consider if you are the best partner for her in the long run?