Hi there,
Have been going through some extremely rough times as of late in regards to life in general but more so the circumstances around what I thought was my sweet caring girlfriend for the past four years now.
We met in a not so good way really, as she has been married now the entire duration of our relationship but I was under the thought that we both had the same end goal in mind which was to continue our relationship which always has had its ups and downs which I dismissed a lot of issues as being because of her marriage still ending and her finally getting the strength to leave her husband who I actually used to work with and is how I know the both of them for the better part of a decade.
It started innocently enough and was never intended to turn out as it did on my behalf anyways, when her husband had admitted to having a addiction issue and went In for treatment I had reached out to let his wife know that is there was anything I could help with to just let me know, which she then asked if I would be willing to come over and explain addictions to her better as I’ve had experience through my time In AA and AlAnon as I grew up in a house where my parents held meetings since I was a child and have listened and participated in the groups lots over the years. Before I knew it we were in an intimate relationship which I never thought to expect happening or even thought about prior to this. Over the years to come she and I grew extremely close and it has always killed me to have to be a secret and never her priority which I’ve voiced and communicated my dislike of having to sneak around and keep secrets as it isn’t healthy. She was usually happy and cheerful with me but quite jealous just the same and very cold at times as well as would ignore me every so often for up to a month at a time and then come back as tho nothing had ever happened into which I eventually became so excited to see her come back that I wouldn’t question or show displeasure in her behaviour or it would get me passive aggressive behaviour or straight out silent treatment which I cannot handle as it is so frustrating to not be able to talk like adults about issues and concerns as that’s how I was raised to resolve conflict or issues within a relationship of any kind.
Skip ahead now to this last year we were together I guess you could call it being. The beginning of the year seemed normal and ok, then this Covid stuff hit and isolated everyone so we were unable to see one another as frequent as usual and she was stuck at home with her husband in which she has had me believing became abusive emotionally and physically which I’ve had a hard time to accept as he’s never seemed to be the type in the years I’d known him but do to the fact we were no longer allowed to talk to one another as she demanded I follow I couldn’t really say one way or the other.
Then she starts to become cold and distant and very argumentative towards anything I am saying and being very cruel at times, no matter how many attempts I try to make to
See her I’m met with excuses and anger towards my wanting to spend time together, then she finally tells me she’s going to file for a divorce into which I was supportive of and gave her advice that I had learnt in my own years prior hoping it could make it easy on them both and their two boys. I should mention she had also prior to this year claimed to be pregnant with my child and even showed me a photo of the ultrasound while I was away worked, then after four months claimed to have lost our child do to her age and reproduction issues, into which I was cursed up and down for not being there the night she supposedly lost the child and how I let her down, into which I felt horrible for and was then guilted for months to feel like the lowest scum to walk the earth and seemed to constantly be trying to make it up to her, this will come back into play shortly.
So as her divorce is progressing she also gets a promotion at work and says she is under great deals of stress and tells me her husband is now spying on her and seems to be suspicious which I believe he was as he had messaged my phone many times from text app numbers asking who I was and how I knew his wife to which I was told not to respond. I followed along until after months of being ignored and given every excuse under the sun as to why I was not allowed to see her and then not allowed to talk to her, and then blocked from her phone, blocked from Facebook, and so on until only being able to contact one another through email which she said was do to her husbands abusive rages he was having, then she had him removed from the house and that’s when she really became ignorant, down right hateful and mean towards me and began accusing me of putting her and her children in harms way and all sorts of things I had no clue and still don’t know where or what she is referring too! Finally I snap and I reach out to her husband thinking that it I just fess up to what has been going on this non sense will then be able to be behind us and allow us to get back to normal.
This is when he tells me he has known for months and has not talked to her in months as she was telling him all kinds of stories about how I was extorting her for money, how she had a restraining order put on me as I was obsessed and delusional about the affair, so we talk more and it comes out that she couldn’t have children for the last eight years so the whole child story I was given turns out to also be all lies and I assume used to control and manipulate me. So I then ask her about these things I’ve now found out to be true and she losses it and starts going on about how I’ve destroyed her and how she will now have to pay so much more in legal fees and that I’ve caused her children to never see their father again, which she was already saying she was not going to allow him the privilege of because of his abusive behaviour months prior!
Then she becomes very verbally abusive and mean and saying I’m doing things in which I have most certainly not but she has done. Then I’m being told how I’m not to come near her or her kids as I’ve really endangered them now and how she has filed complaints with the police about my harassing behaviour, and then I’m being told how she’s hired someone to protect her from me as I’m some sort of monster for wanting to talk to her about these issues and figure out what I’d actually going on! I was even told I couldn’t spend her birthday with her as her girlfriends had planned a party weekend away in a local resort community which I was very disappointed of but accepted.
Then I finally get told to come and see her but I’m not allowed too until Sunday as the same friend of hers from work but in another city had yet again come to town to visit her the following weekend. So then comes Sunday and I’m told not until Monday as this friend and her child had decided to stay one more day. So I show up Monday as I was told except I came in the morning and not later in the evening, that’s when out of no where a police car shows up and I’m put in hand cuffs and thrown in his squad car and talked to like I’m some sort of criminal, he then tells me that she has stated that I am stalking her and I am her ex husbands drug dealer! I am blown away to say the least at this time as I’m handcuffed and trying to explain my side of the story as she seemed to have forgotten to tell him about the four years we’d been seeing one another all together. Then at this time I get to witness her come out of the house sporting a new man to which I have no clue about at all but was suspecting might be going on and am taken by complete blindside!
That’s when I then find out through talking to her husband more that he had seen this guy around the house before he was forced to move out by court order. So when i contact her to try and get some answers to what is going on and why she is choosing to be so hurtful and damaging towards me after all the time and effort I’ve put into making every demand she’s made over the years I’m told to go f$&
myself and how I’m a loser and so on and then because I talked to her husband again she files a restraining order against me so I am not able to talk to her at all and sites nothing but lies and slanderous things as being her reasoning, using texts between us that were able to be taken way out of context with the way she played her role as a victim and had steered me into arguments or fights months prior but left out any thing that showed us still being together or the few times she has seen me and slept with me. This is when I am told that I am going to learn my lesson for destroying her so badly into which I still do not fully get how I destroyed her as all I did was tell the truth which has not caused her any form of real danger or risk of danger to her or the kids but she seems to think it has. I had even told her the money she needed for the lawyer did not matter as I would cover and so on, to which I was told she didn’t want my money as it was just an attempt to shut her up! As the weeks have passed now I have found out that she has been seeing this new guy for months and that is actually who had taken her to banff for her birthday and is now her live in boyfriend, to say the least I am hurt and confused but that is me being very light on the amount of betrayal, sadness, hurt, confusion, dismay, and all out depressed as I am still left trying to figure out what was ever even real or what was lies as so many things seem to have been the more I ask questions and am asked questions from her husband.
The only explanation I can come up with is that she must be suffering from a high conflict personality disorder such as narcissism or bpd or possibly anti social? And some how began to see me as all bad and as being the reason for her marriage failing and her husband not wanting to believe her or give in to her demands and this new guy is her new victim so to speak who has most likely been fed a lot of lies about me and her ex husband.
Now I fear what else is she going to do to punish me for what ever wrong I am guilty of in her mind as she has not yet been able to provide me with any sort of explanation that seems valid or holds evidence with what has happened.
I think she snapped and it was do to the stress of her divorce, the lies she had told and knew would come to lite, the hiding yet another affair and her starting to drink as a means to soothe her self.
I also wonder about the well being of those two boys of hers as this cannot be healthy for them either in any way and god only knows what type of emotional abuse she is inflicting on them now that I’ve seen what all she is capable of doing and how she seems to be ignoring them as she puts all her time into this new man she is grooming.
I wish that things can be saved and we can work things out as the women I thought she was all along prior to this past while I loved deeply and want nothing more than to have her back again! But I fear that is not something that’s capable of happening as I don’t know if she is able to be in a healthy relationship at all or knows what one is let alone knows how to actually love her self or anyone else.
Thanks for giving me a chance to let all this out as I have no one left in my life to really talk to as everyone has passed away and she isolated me from anyone I did have prior to her.
Any kind of thoughts to help me grasp the reality of this would be great as I am at a loss as my life fell apart fast and in a nasty way.
