Distancing

[Ending]

Things have never been too good. My adult daughter displayed symptoms of BPD when she was around 10 - flying into rages and accusing me of incredibly vile things, such as accusing me of abusing my son (her younger brother). She’s never been diagnosed. She started bulimia in her late teens.
I must admit I’ve had a fear of her rages from this time. She has continued to have episodes of total rage and it can be ignited very quickly from just a word or a seemingly lack of 100% support. I have over the years supported her with so many things and have bent over backwards to help her with whatever she requested. I am kind by nature and have a soft heart, but when she flys into a rage against me it’s like she's hitting my head very hard with a bat! I am sent reeling and I shake. Things have got worse and I feel it could all kill me if I keep in touch with her. We don’t live near each other. She has children which I used to look after and she’s threatened to not let me see them several times in the past. The latest episode has left me totally no choice but to withdraw from her because of the severity of it all. Although this is very hard knowing that a total separation is needed for my own health, knowing I won’t see my grandchildren again is hard. The thing is I know she has such a good side and can be extra wonderful but when she turns its crippling and so destructive. It’s like she pulls me into her rage and now the threats have advanced. Life is definitely hard.
I would like to put more details in but am scared. Can I ask if there’s any chance she will read this and guess it’s me that’s writing it? I take it that anyone can sign up?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beatricex]

Hi ending,
I am sorry you are having such a hard time and it is OK to go no-contact.  You need to take care of you first.

I seriously doubt your daughter would login to this site and happen to read your post.  That would take empathy (borderlines rarely have).  It would be weird for her to be on this part of the site, for people with borderline relatives, and wouldn't that require her to be more like us than...well, like her.  why we're here and not THEM.

b