Help I'm exhausted

[BonnieW]

I'm so glad to find this support group.  My daughter is exhausting me.  Communication with her is constantly conflicted, negative and emotionally draining.

She has not been personally diagnosed with BPD, but we attended joint counselling sessions and the diagnosis came from our joint counsellor.  I haven't suggested that she explore the BPD diagnosis for her own mental health, because this would create more conflict in our relationship and its already very volatile.

Does anyone have coping tools?

I would sincerely appreciate any suggestions.

BonnieW

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Vell55]

Hi, Bonnie. I’m sort of a newbie here, so I’m sure other members will chime in with great advice/techniques. I just want to validate what you are saying regarding discussion of the diagnosis. When I try to talk to my daughter about BPD, she says I gaslight her with her own mental illness. A circular argument, but the typical one. I will be watching your post.

[BonnieW]

Thank you, Vell. It's comforting to know that my experiences aren't products of my own mind and perception.  It's unfortunate that any of us have to be here, but nice to have support.

[Huat]

Let me welcome both of you...BonnieW...Vell55...and say that I am glad you found this forum.

BonnieW you ask about coping tools.  It is more tools-of-change that are needed and you will certainly find them on this website...with links to more.

Many of us here are having to work under the assumption that these troubled ones who share our lives do suffer from BPD.  That is the case with me.  I, like others, just say that the check marks are all there.  Even with no official diagnosis, the different ways we learn on how to respond (not react) could well bring about positive changes that make life easier for ourselves and might help to get the other on the right track of living a more fulfilling, more peaceful life.

You certainly are in a unique position in that you and your daughter are attending joint counselling.  I am envious!  My daughter has made it very clear over the years that while she has gone to counselling with her mate (and she has had more than one) and her children, she will never go into counselling with me, her Mom.  I would say that speaks volumes.

I certainly hope you and Vell55 continue on as regulars here.  You, BonnieW, are being helped along with a counsellor and you have insight that could very well be of help to others.  Our much needed strength comes from the help we get and the help we offer.

Huat

[jefferson]

Hello and welcome. 
Exhausting is soo accurate.   Over the years I have experienced this mentally and physically. 
Many of us here have described the "roller coaster" that accompanies having a BPD family member. 
You just never know what you are going to get sometimes when you open a text or pick up a phone call.. 
This is a wonderful place to find support from others who are now or who have in the past experienced similar situations.  I have also found it extremely helpful to look at previous posts and some of the resources on the site. 
Hang in there! 
Jefferson

[Michelle-drained]

I feel the same! For me the book “ stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist” has helped the most. In general, we have to stop caretaking them, and walk away when they are trying to engage in unfair conversation. One therapist ignored the BPds “Whys” and demands, and kept asking the BPD what are YOU afraid of. Talk to their fears, you don’t answer to them. Our home, our rules.  Do your best to get out of the crazy.

[missymoo]

You are emotionally drained. Your daughter is a teenager I gather?
I have suffered, and I have recovered.
I live in California and would be happy to answer your questions from my own experiences.

we are not a big group her we are a good group of people
Welcome

missymoo

[Pomsie]

Read and watch all you can about BPD. Keep coming here. You will know youre not alone. Watch videos on youtube about BPD and especially SPLITTING aka black and white thinking. This is feeding into your troubles so the more you understand it, the better you can cope. Post here every day if you need to.
Poms