Spouse

[Mike2020]

My wife and I I’ve been married for nearly 12 years we tried  couples counseling however she always seem to not like it said it was too Elementary.” My wife is has Just finished her masters in nurse practitioner psychiatric. She started seeing a councilor recognized a few things about herself the first few weeks however after that she would become more angry at me.  I started to see a counselor on my own  to discuss the options of why we had such issues communicating and why she was increasingly becoming angry with me . I tried to give her space and mind my business because sometimes she needed quite time. Sometimes it would last for multiple days or even weeks. It  was at times very hard to Ignore because of her throwing things or cussing at the pets. My councilor recommended I read the book “ I hate you -don’t leave me. . I did get the book only after I saw “stop walking on egg shells”! It had caught my eye because it seem to be more action taking . I read both.WHAT A EYE OPENER! I’m sorry to say once my wife found out I read them she was angry. She had told me that she had been diagnosed early by a Dr however she was so afraid of the stigma she begged him to stick with Bi-polar. Or in her words her nursing career would be over.I’m not a Dr or am I qualified to diagnose anyone. I love her very much was looking forward to learning to defuse anger, criticism and setting limits to help us gain peace but, I’m involved in what the book calls distortion campaign.. she has asked me to leave house and resorting to lies and accusations. I have learned that I have really isolated myself and made big mistakes by shutting down emotionally. During verbal assaults. I have neglected myself trying to serve her impossible demands. Even if things are over. I hope someone or something can reach her so she can see the hurt her illness has caused me and others. Not to make her feel bad I will always will forgive . We all have hurt someone in our lifetime we are imperfect. I’m sure she benefit if  can accept her illness and manage it in a healthy way. Even if it’s with someone else I truly want her to enjoy life. No more blaming. Just loving- the end .I don’t think I have ever written anything in a forum. Was just hoping to get some advice or someone who can relate.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

So many of us have been in your shoes. We understand. 

Are you still seeing a counselor? If not, I recommend that you do. These relationships can leave wounds and it helps to have a professional giving guidance.

It’s not clear from my reading of your post if you’re still living together or are planning on divorcing? Do you have kids?

[PearlsBefore]

She had told me that she had been diagnosed BPD early by a Dr however she was so afraid of the stigma she begged him to stick with Bi-polar. Or in her words her nursing career would be over.

Just a short note, that I'm often amazed by how often "outsiders" seem to assume that BPD is basically just "mild Bipolar", whereas your PhD wife's comment is more illuminating - a hospital may employ her if she's bipolar, but they are sure not going to employ somebody who's Borderline. Personally I blame the name, people wrongly think "Oh, borderline, like almost ill" - as opposed to realising it's actually just "both neurosis and psychosis together so couldn't be qualified to either of those two sides of the line".

One of the too-many dBPDs in my life summarized it best, when she explained to an endlessly patient judge that "Well you know how bipolar people will have like manic periods for a few days or weeks, but then segue into a deep depression for a few days or weeks? I do that 3-4 times in a day".