ex boyfriend with bpd traits

[Depression = 72% of members]

i was in a long term relationship which became verbally abusive after a year and a half. my partner became completely disengaged sexually and would constantly blame me for it. but he would shift from abusing to trying to get my forgiveness and love. eventually i broke it off and left, realised i had made a mistake and when i tried to go back he stayed out all night with another woman and came home and attached me physically. its been six months since this happened and we've remained in constant contact with no more than 1 month apart ever. both of us initiate contact, and i thought things were getting more stable and today he said he decided we're going away for new years and he's invited a bunch of friends to my place in the country. i said its not right for him to make decisions like that without asking me and he turned cold and said he doesnt want to see me again. this behaviour is very common by now to me, i just need to know why its so difficult for me to break contact and realize that i need to finish this myself. i still want him back

[slims]

i was in a long term relationship which became verbally abusive after a year and a half. my partner became completely disengaged sexually and would constantly blame me for it. but he would shift from abusing to trying to get my forgiveness and love. eventually i broke it off and left, realised i had made a mistake and when i tried to go back he stayed out all night with another woman and came home and attached me physically. its been six months since this happened and we've remained in constant contact with no more than 1 month apart ever. both of us initiate contact, and i thought things were getting more stable and today he said he decided we're going away for new years and he's invited a bunch of friends to my place in the country. i said its not right for him to make decisions like that without asking me and he turned cold and said he doesnt want to see me again. this behaviour is very common by now to me, i just need to know why its so difficult for me to break contact and realize that i need to finish this myself. i still want him back

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

What about him is so compelling to you?

[once removed]

i still want him back

then its necessary to understand what about the relationship is broken, whether it can be fixed, and if so, how.

said another way, is it a question of the way the two of you deal with conflict, or is the conflict ultimately unresolvable.

you dont have to know the answer to that now. this is a great place to explore it.

how long have the two of you been together in total?