triggers and neglecting my needs

[Letloverule]

SOwBPD left again. Barely 24 hours after she returned yesterday (see prev post haves and have nots”)

just feel like I lose myself when I try to make her happy. today I didn’t want to give in. she wanted to go on a giant road trip suddenly- with our 3 dogs that actually don’t get excited about car rides.
I don’t like the impulse. I’ve given in before and I don’t like doing it. I also wanted to rest emotionally from yesterday’s raging. I did not want to be in a car 12 hours both ways with stressed dogs.

I offered an alternative and it was thrown in my face.

I realize now that she wanted to get out of the house for the holidays and do something. Holidays are a big stressor. She said that to me in thanksgiving and I got it. I honestly forgot about it this time...maybe because I’m so focused on minute by minute eggshells every day. Maybe because I needed to heal from yesterday. But that’s selfish isn’t it, in her mind. I don’t matter. But she insists that she’s the one that doesn’t matter.

Now she’s off on her own. And said if she comes back it’ll only be for the dogs not me. I’m a worthless bad person. I’m too entitled not to have stressors about the holidays. That u should’ve changed my mind. That I could’ve been compassionate.

I feel like I can’t breathe.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[khibomsis]

Letloverule, it is easy to forget that BPD partners are likely to suffer from complex PTSD as well. If we don't have it coming into a relationship we will get it pretty soon    So well done that you are so aware of your need to recover from dysregulation.Paradoxically it was only when I began to respect my need to be consistently recovering that peace in the home began to emerge. Making sure my PTSD got treated made me a happier healthier person to be with. So breathe my friend . Take the dogs for a walk. Ask yourself how next time, you might have a plan for getting her out of the house while giving yourself the rest that you need? We are here for you to bounce ideas.off.
And yes, the holidays are perfect misery from beginning to end. We will support each other through it.