Thank you BPD Family

[RestlessWanderer]

During this time of year I can’t help but reflect on the spirit of kindness and selfless acts. This year especially I’ve been extending a very heartfelt and honest thank you to those that have selflessly helped me along this most difficult of journeys that I’ve been on. Without a doubt the last 14 months have been the most difficult of my life. The community I have found here on BPD Family has faced many of the same hardships that I have. Yet so many of you don’t just come here seeking support, you come here to give support. Despite the ongoing struggles in your lives, you have found a way to open your hearts and pay forward the support so many of us can’t find anywhere else. I feel truly blessed to have so many caring and empathetic people pulling me, and many others, from the lonely and painful lives we have found ourselves in, and to gently guide us back to the person we used to be. Our shared experiences are the first glimmer of hope and confirmation of sanity that we so desperately needed. Without BPD Family many of us would never have been able to find the strength and courage to stand up for ourselves again. Though we are, in some ways, complete strangers, and represented by simple words on a screen, I have felt a greater human connection here than pretty much anywhere I have looked in the last 10 years.
I am so deeply indebted to the many people that have shared their pain, lent their support, exposed their vulnerabilities, and selflessly come back day after day to just check in on me. May you all find peace and a beacon of hope to focus on as we move forward together to better ourselves and hold on to our humanity in spite of the sometimes unbelievable difficulties we have in common.
FormFlier, CatFamiliar, IamRedeemed, and GlobalNomad, I’d like to especially thank you for the dedication you have shown to helping me. I appreciate the honest and caring ways you have continued to support me. The fact that you take the time to always contribute to my healing and growth during this extremely difficult period in my life is very touching. I owe you my gratitude and hope to live up to the effort that you have dedicated to helping me.
To everyone else, thank you as well. We are here to find support. As we heal and grow, let us not forget to share and return the love that we have been given here on BPD Family. This community truly is a beautiful thing.

[EyesUp]

I just arrived here earlier this year, but I want to fully echo this statement and sentiments.  Thanks to this community - You have been a source of understanding during very uncertain times.  Wishing everyone new strength and confidence in 2021.

[I Am Redeemed]

Thank you, RW

Many of us came here in crisis, struggling, exhausted, and confused. This community was the first place I found where I could talk about my relationship without feeling judged for staying so long or for not knowing how to have boundaries. I don't know if I could have managed to get out of my abusive marriage without the support here, and so I want to pay it forward.

I'm glad this community is here, and thankful for all of you, as well.

[Escapesairy]

I echo OPs sentiments. I haven’t been on here long but have been so humbled by the fact someone would take time out of their day/ their own life/ away from their own pain to help a stranger and hope one day I can pay it forward in some way. It’s helped me remember the positive and beautiful aspects of human nature

[formflier]

Thank you RW for your kind words and thoughts.  

I was once in a similar position of not knowing when to act, was it too soon, too late, too much, too little?   A bunch of senior guys stayed right there alongside me and got me ready for my first "boundary".  Oh...that was an extinction burst...(someday I'll share the full story again)

Point being, it was a "textbood" boundary and extinction burst.  Yes it was scary...but there were no surprises.

Very similar to I'm sure it was scary for you to have your wife in the house trying to get to your son...but were you surprised it happened?

 

Keep up the good work and thanks again for the kind words!

Be strong!

FF

[Cat Familiar]

Thank you, RW. Your acknowledgment while in the midst of extreme stress means a lot. 

Those of us who’ve walked a few miles in similar shoes really understand how challenging what you’ve been experiencing is.

You’re doing the right thing for your son and yourself. It’s incredibly painful, I know. 

[PearlsBefore]

It is remarkable to me how different it is from many other BPD "resources" online - it does truthfully echo the IRL support group I attended much more than it resembles anything online.

Places like r/bpdlovedones are ironically full of BPD people who come online to gaslight their partner/ex and tell lurid stories hoping for applause or reinforcement of what they're planning to do anyways...BPDFamily isn't like that. When those sorts do show up here, I am always in awe of how politely everybody dances around - trying to legitimately help them, validate them, reassure them that DBT skills work in both directions while politely suggesting that self-care is also needed and may not entail bubble baths and chocolates.

The "true caretaker" folks who join up are usually instantly recognised because they aren't saying "Hey look at me I'm great, my partner is dumb", I think most of us came on here with the same humbling "Help, I'm really failing at solving this problem myself tonight and I need advice" (or as IAR phrased it better, "in crisis, struggling, exhausted, and confused"). And what awes me is that it's the only place I've seen people spend an hour crafting a piece of advice to a total stranger.

There are folks here with whom I disagree, occasionally I flinch to see someone offering advice that I worry might be internally projected from their own histories (but always out of the best intentions), occasionally I even see people I think might be "those" relatives of my own dBPDs who have differing views of treatment and prognosis. Most heretically, I never suggest DBT (or CBT) to a newcomer without prefacing it with the fact it can do more harm than good in some cases and is "good but over-rated" in my own experience. But even those with whom I disagree, I respect them so much - because they are in the arena here, they are actively working to not only help their loved one, but to help caretakers like themselves figure out how or if to help a loved one in their current straits.

Basically, "yup, y'all are pretty great people - we don't always succeed, but we're all here investing this time out of worry, love or compassion for those who are ill - and for those who take care of them". So take a moment to self-validate, toast a glass of ginger ale to getting through 2020 - and here's to a better 2021.

[CoherentMoose]

hear! hear! CoMo