She told me that she had recently separated from her husband, who was an abuser

[Depression = 72% of members]

Excuse my English first, I am not a native speaker.
Let us begin...
I don't know, it's agony.
I'm here for a woman I met 7 years ago on Tinder!
Very beautiful former model A and she seemed so sensitive.
She told me that she had recently separated from her husband, that according to her he was an abuser and I awakened my paternal instinct, I could not help but fall in love with her.
We spent a month and a half talking and texting each other, when we went to see each other she blocked me from all sides.
Honestly, I didn't know if it was all some kind of game or what.
It turns out that 3 years ago I contacted her again for the holidays and she told me that she had blocked me because she met the current boyfriend, well I deduced it but I ended up confirming it, and they had fought over who she also told me was an abuser and she told me similar stories to her ex-husband.
Turns out we dated twice. The second time I took her to a motel and while there she complained that I had taken her there, as if I had taken her as a whore, as if I had forced her, the thing is that it made me feel very guilty. But still, we keep talking for a month and a half long hours on the phone but she starts to remind me of her ex, so I get tired and don't talk to her anymore.
But I couldn't help but miss her, this year I greet her in February for her birthday and it turns out that to my surprise she greets me with joy and tells me that I had abandoned her (abandoned after 1 month and a half of almost begging her to see us?). Turns out, she was still in an on-off relationship with her boyfriend.
We were going to see each other at that time but he gets sick and the quarantine comes, which lasted 180 days! Then we started talking long hours again, and I realized that it must be borderline because of the unpredictable mood swings. Tell me one day that he loves me and the other as if she forgot or leave me several days without speaking and return as if nothing had happened. Until the quarantine finally ends and we see each other, she came to my house twice and we made the love. After that she breaks up with her boyfriend who was living with her at that time, she throws him out of the house. I thought that there we were going to finally be in a relationship, I was really very happy I thought that everything had been worth it. But she falls into a depression for all the evil that he had done to her. I say good it will be a matter of waiting. But after a week she starts to miss him! And it says "who is going to take care of the house, who is going to support me" and so, I could not believe it! And i am here  without knowing what to do if to keep trying, if to make me want or if I leave
What I said is agony, now why do you think it is borderline, I say it seems so but I realized for the last 6 months talking on the phone and its changes, but before, just because it disappeared, it had not occurred to me, that you led to think that?

[Jose Maria]

Excuse my English first, I am not a native speaker.
Let us begin...
I don't know, it's agony.
I'm here for a woman I met 7 years ago on Tinder!
Very beautiful former model A and she seemed so sensitive.
She told me that she had recently separated from her husband, that according to her he was an abuser and I awakened my paternal instinct, I could not help but fall in love with her.
We spent a month and a half talking and texting each other, when we went to see each other she blocked me from all sides.
Honestly, I didn't know if it was all some kind of game or what.
It turns out that 3 years ago I contacted her again for the holidays and she told me that she had blocked me because she met the current boyfriend, well I deduced it but I ended up confirming it, and they had fought over who she also told me was an abuser and she told me similar stories to her ex-husband.
Turns out we dated twice. The second time I took her to a motel and while there she complained that I had taken her there, as if I had taken her as a whore, as if I had forced her, the thing is that it made me feel very guilty. But still, we keep talking for a month and a half long hours on the phone but she starts to remind me of her ex, so I get tired and don't talk to her anymore.
But I couldn't help but miss her, this year I greet her in February for her birthday and it turns out that to my surprise she greets me with joy and tells me that I had abandoned her (abandoned after 1 month and a half of almost begging her to see us?). Turns out, she was still in an on-off relationship with her boyfriend.
We were going to see each other at that time but he gets sick and the quarantine comes, which lasted 180 days! Then we started talking long hours again, and I realized that it must be borderline because of the unpredictable mood swings. Tell me one day that he loves me and the other as if she forgot or leave me several days without speaking and return as if nothing had happened. Until the quarantine finally ends and we see each other, she came to my house twice and we made the love. After that she breaks up with her boyfriend who was living with her at that time, she throws him out of the house. I thought that there we were going to finally be in a relationship, I was really very happy I thought that everything had been worth it. But she falls into a depression for all the evil that he had done to her. I say good it will be a matter of waiting. But after a week she starts to miss him! And it says "who is going to take care of the house, who is going to support me" and so, I could not believe it! And i am here  without knowing what to do if to keep trying, if to make me want or if I leave
What I said is agony, now why do you think it is borderline, I say it seems so but I realized for the last 6 months talking on the phone and its changes, but before, just because it disappeared, it had not occurred to me, that you led to think that?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[khibomsis]

Jose Maria I am sorry to hear your sad story! It must be very hard to live through.  Does she agree with the diagnosis?
 I wonder how your mental health is holding up? Being in a relationship with a borderline requires huge emotional strength.  Have you thought of getting some counseling for yourself?
With regard to your situation,  it seems to me that she is emotionally consumed at the moment by her - possibly abusive - relationship with her husband. BPD or not, it does not seem to me that she has the emotional bandwidth to be in a relationship right now. For your own protection and hers, I would suggest working on a friendship for the moment There is a lot you can do to improve your communication,and that would help should you two become more serious in the future.  Have a look at the relationship tools at the top of this board to give you an idea of where to start.

[Jose Maria]

She dont know about bpd and I dont want that She rage for it.
Seems Borderline for you?

[khibomsis]

Jose Maria it certainly sounds like she is not OK.  It is hard to diagnose long distance. Either way,the important thing is that you care for yourself and your emotional wellbeing. How are you doing?

[Jose Maria]

I think it's borderline because many symptoms coincide, all a history of physical abuse by her sexual mother by her uncle, the requests to save her, the mood swings, telling me out of nowhere that she is in love with me and the next day as if she knew emotionally forget or go to a silent treatment being more than good things. It does not seem to me that there are more than enough symptoms. The only thing that surprises me is that she is not too sexualized or addicted to anything, (she is not even able to drink anything other than mineral water), although I saw that many also have a certain perfectionism and repression in those fields or perhaps due to the lack of motivation he has for all kinds of quiet borderline maybe.
As well as the fact that she has spent 17 years with her ex-husband and now 7 with her boyfriend, although as you can see, they are terribly unstable relationships.

[Jose Maria]

As well as jealousy, the constant request that he not leave her, the confession that she leaves before they leave her, etc.

[khibomsis]

Jose Maria, here is a great summary of the symptoms of borderline. Maybe you have watched the video already? https://bpdfamily.com/content/Dr-Jekyll-and-Mr-Hyde
To qualify as borderline the person has to have at least 5 of the 9. Do you think your girlfriend qualifies?