She has gone totally ghost today and last few days

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Cash,
 I don’t know how she can get a restraining order, when your not even attempting to contact her. She sounds like she is having a meltdown.

I remember that when I started antidepressants, it really helped me. At first they made me feel tired and confused, which was a little scary, but when they finally kicked in, it was like the sun came out. I hope it works for you.
B53

[B53]

Cash,
 I don’t know how she can get a restraining order, when your not even attempting to contact her. She sounds like she is having a meltdown.

I remember that when I started antidepressants, it really helped me. At first they made me feel tired and confused, which was a little scary, but when they finally kicked in, it was like the sun came out. I hope it works for you.
B53

[cash05458]

B53, the meds have not gotten here yet...thought they would come today...in mail...but I guess tomorrow...

I doubt she could get ANY restraining order...I mean, no...of course not...just more crazy f---ing statements about me from her...but the whole email she sent me just got to me deeply...out of the blue...I don't know what I did to make this woman hate my very being so very much...I have no desire for her to come back...but this attack and everything really got to me at the wrong moment...it is killing me...this is so very hard to come out of and I just don't know...I really do not...

[cash05458]

I am going to be honest here...not sure if I am going to make it thru this...I want to...

[B53]

Cash,
You did nothing! She has a very serious mood disorder. She needs help. You will make it through this. You have a lot of people that are here for you.

B53

[cash05458]

B53...so sweet of you to say that...I hope right...I am really f+++++ trying...it almost feels like her stuff has been grafted upon me...I don't mean to be overly dramatic...it is just hard to shake...this thing has smothered me...I have been thru many breakups and that is part of life...but god, this one...I will make it of course I hope and want...but I don't think I have ever felt rejection in such a way if you know what I mean...and I still don't feel anger...something is off there...something just is not ok with me...

[SinisterComplex]

Cash, so first...be kind to yourself. You will make it through this. Secondly, you are putting too much weight on yourself. However, a lot of what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Sounds like I am brushing this off, but I assure you that is not the case. Instead...what you are feeling is perfectly normal because of the behaviors you were subjected to. These kinds of relationships torment people immensely. But, you have to take a step back and look at life as a whole. Is this really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Think big picture. This relationship perhaps brought out some things you needed to work on personally for you to grow into the person you are supposed to be. I mean, once you can allow yourself to get beyond the emotional weight then you can sit back and give it the thought it deserves which is...Hey Sh*t Happens. You live and you learn and move on. Life keeps flowing on.

For what its worth...if you get yourself to look at the situation as an opportunity then perhaps you can see rejection and failure not as negatives, but as positives. You are going to face rejection and failure again...think of them as reality checks to keep you in check to let you know you still have work to do. Embrace adversity...through Adversity there is Redemption!

Always keep in mind that you are the only person who determines your value...NO ONE ELSE! You are not being overly dramatic btw...you are hurt. Its emotion. You just have to let nature takes it course and not fight it. Feel your feelings. Feel how you have to feel. Get the sh*t out.Try to place your focus on things that have been on the back burner. Every day things can and will get better, but you have to get back up, dust yourself off and shrug off the toxic sludge that was leveled upon you and then say Hey lets go make a difference...or something to give you a drive to put you on the right path.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

[Cromwell]

Hi cash, not sure about the states but a lot of their law as far as I know stems from ours in the UK.

Our courts do not get involved in petty or vexatious litigation. Im guessing with covid now they are even more overburdened and less patient for the "Loopy Lous" that "Ive fallen out with my ex and now I want to bully him"

Take some time to chill out, im sure by now you have felt different anyway, how are you doing? why do you care so much about her anger?

[Gemsforeyes]

Dear Cash-

I’m hoping your meds arrived and that you’re  feeling a bit more hopeful just knowing you have them in hand.  I started mine almost 3 weeks ago.  I was stubborn about it, but had to give in... and glad I did.  Please hang tough while the effects of the meds take hold.  Please keep posting.

I want to chime in about that nasty email from her.  My take is that something is amiss in her new “paradise”... so she’s lashing out at you.  Because if everything is so rosy, why would she be looking back?  Tsk tsk...

And... she’s fishing for contact from you.  Looking for you to object to her assertions that you abused her and INSTEAD looking for you to AGAIN make your declarations of LOVE.  Please try your best NOT to fall victim to this ruse.  And please also strongly consider blocking her mails. It really is time to protect yourself from her.  On all fronts.

You don’t need to be her fall back guy.  She’s a mess.  Let her clean herself up.  That’s no longer your job.  Not your obligation to bail her out.

Please love yourself.  She has shown herself no longer worthy of your love or attention.  Difficult, yes.  Impossible?  No.

Cash -  you DO have the strength to do this.

Warmly,
Gems

[B53]

Nicely said Gem.

[cash05458]

oh, thank you all for the replies...they have really touched me...

Yes, everyone is right...I can't take her claims that she was abused for 6 years seriously at all...I mean, I know this was not in ANY sense the case...and everyone who ever spent significant amount of time with us knows that is deeply false...if anything, they feel she had abused me for years herself. Many have said to me they admired the unconditional love I held for her as they knew of her problems and of her behaviors at times...her rages etc...

I did not respond to her email...besides the fact that I don't want to really discuss anything with her...about us, about anything...I feel she is trying to provoke a response to then call the police or to get a restraining order...it might not go anywhere in court, I don't possibly see how it could...but I want NOTHING to do with such things...I remember well how she used to threaten in rages about calling the police and making a false abuse claim...

Her note, frankly, really did hurt...I wanted to not feel anything...but after everything she has done...all of it...and then to write me simply to let me know that she had been abused for 6 years...Interestinly she now accuses me of having NPD on top of all that...well, yes it got to me...like how much more of this? I also think her motives were other than just to cause pain, tho it was that...she had mentioned she had felt bad about draining our bank account and leaving me so destitute...and that when her unemployment insurance came thru (and it's been backlogged for something like 9 weeks...so it will be a good amount) that she would offer a bit of help to get on feet...and she explained in this note that it had finally come thru but she had no intention of helping because of her new stand that she was abused for so long...that and all this money she is getting is all being saved for "her big move to England"...the odd thing is that I even believed she might help...when I told my Mother this last night on phone she said "Honey, don't be ridiculous...I knew all along she was NEVER going to help and would cook something up...every single thing she has done from even before she took off has been dishonest and immoral...there are no goods sides left to her hon...not in your life anyhow... " 

But yes, thank you all who responded...I can genuinely feel your care...and I will certainly reread your notes  and advice numerous times today and onwards...

[cash05458]

And Gems...yes, I think it is a good thing we both decided to accept meds...please let me know how it goes for you if you would like to share...as I will...for me, I need help to shake off or mitigate this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness I have...it has kept me stuck...I need to sell a few things here (guitars) and locate a cheap car and find a job...I have waited and hurt long enough in that paralysis...

[cash05458]

S.T...I really liked this advice...it is a good way to look at things I feel...will try to take on everything all you good folks so kindly said to me...

"But, you have to take a step back and look at life as a whole. Is this really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Think big picture. This relationship perhaps brought out some things you needed to work on personally for you to grow into the person you are supposed to be. I mean, once you can allow yourself to get beyond the emotional weight then you can sit back and give it the thought it deserves which is...Hey Sh*t Happens. You live and you learn and move on. Life keeps flowing on."

[forevermagenta]

Hey Cash,

I admit again - I haven’t caught up entirely on all that’s been happening, but I did want to pick up on what you said earlier about your shock in hearing your ex say she didn’t love you for years.

 I’m asking you (and anyone reading)- do you think it’s possible for someone with BPD to actually love someone? Of course, I don’t mean infatuation or idealization (which I know my ex equated with love). My sense is, generally, their “love” is quite conditional and easily revoked. It isn’t love. So, not knowing you or following all the details that closely, I would just wonder if her saying that really has any meaning whatsoever. The meaning it does have is it gets a reaction out of you. And places her securely in the victim role, justifying her (likely/seemingly) impulsive decision.

Have you tried just drinking broth or plain miso? I find those helpful when I don’t have an appetite. And it gives me the added benefit of feeling like I am a living human being consuming foods and staying alive.

[once removed]

I just never expected THIS from this person...I expected alot of things, not good things sometimes...but not THIS
...
So I think the worry and anxiety really arrived more fully after the explosion...I know one thing that has given me so much anxiety is her telling me at the end "I have not loved you for years"...I am a fairly perceptive person but had no idea this was the case...and I found myself having anxiety at that statement...like, how did I miss this? Why did we never talk over this over the years if she felt this way? It made me feel very strange to be honest...as if "what was our reality?"

Of course, maybe she did not mean that? Or maybe she did and it's just a way for her to justify doing what she did? I don't know...like so many here I want a form of closure, but doubt I will EVER get that. I know I need to accept that...

The other thing that gives me much anxiety...and this will sound silly...but it is her complete lack of care for my well being in any sense...we were so close for so long...to use a lousy analogy, its as if someone you knew for years and years and had a deep friendship with...or even say family...and one day you show up at their door and they don't even know who you are...they actually seem like they have no idea who you are in fact...and you are left questioning your own sanity...like "what is the real here?" If that makes sense...

ashwaghanda is a great supplement. i took a lot of things, and it was one of my favorites, it kind of got me over a delayed hump. sam-e was enormous for me. it made everything that was going on in my mind so much smaller. sleep is critical, too. before my doctor prescribed me antidepressants, he wanted to get my sleep back on track. i tried melatonin and it changed my life (i had always had sleep problems). if youre going to take supplements, check them out against your antidepressant, there can be lots of interactions between wellness supplements and antidepressants.

the goal of this board is beyond just getting through a breakup. ideally, its to really and truly "detach from the wounds". what does that mean, in practice?

a standout for me, from the article on surviving a breakup, had to do with one of the ten beliefs that can keep us stuck, and "letting go of the words".

you have loved a person who lives and feels and speaks in extremes. no doubt, you, likewise, have been touched by those extremes, invested in those extremes, and even felt them yourself.

did she not love you for six years? does she consider herself now to be abused? ill put it to you this way: at one time, you were the greatest man alive, who could do no wrong, her savior, the end to all of her problems.

these things can not all be true at the same time. you cant be the greatest man alive and the worst.

the answer is that they were all true, at some time, for some time, and in the end, none of them are really "true", because your ex lives in a world of extremes.

it hurts because, naturally, you have invested a great deal in her words. to let go of them, the good and the bad, you have to see them for what they are. extreme expressions from a fickle person. you have to see your over investment in those words and what they mean(t) to you, and let them go.

as for why this person seems like someone you knew so well, and at the same time never knew? generally speaking, our relationships were built more on intensity than intimacy. im not saying they cant coexist, but they are often mistaken for one another. its a bit of a trope here, where we meet our partners, and each share our life stories very quickly, and each validate and accept and praise and love each other...and that feels very powerful, but for the most part, thats intensity. its not the same thing as intimacy, which is built slowly, over time. it tends to be that same intensity that sustains the relationship, until it violently breaks it up.

some of that intensity is why, even now, issues are continuing to play out between the two of you. it also has to do with why you are suffering. that intensity is not only very hard to let go of, but it continues. attachment leads to suffering. detachment leads to freedom.

[DJACJ5]

So I think the worry and anxiety really arrived more fully after the explosion...I know one thing that has given me so much anxiety is her telling me at the end "I have not loved you for years"..."

Of course, maybe she did not mean that? Or maybe she did and it's just a way for her to justify doing what she did?

Hi Cash,
my 2 cents is that you're thinking like a 'normal', logical person, who's capable of looking at facts, and remembering how things used to be.

 BPD sufferers seem to work more along the lines of "if I FEEL this way, it must be true", and they lack object constancy, so however they feel right now, MUST be the way they've always felt.

So a statement like "I never loved you", or an action like replacing a long term partner with someone else within days or minutes, fits their reality, even though it doesn't match a reality based on facts and history in the 'real' world.

I found this YouTube video which resonated with me:
(It's a snap-action, or bistable mechanism.)
I imagine the upper lever being the pwBPD, flicking between idealising and devaluing, and the lower lever being the non, who is capable of a whole range of feelings. BPD is the rubber band.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VZkgGIS3li4

[cash05458]

Thank you all for the replies and care...

Forever: Can they love? Really love? That one leaves me at a loss...I am sure others here understand that better than I can. But my gut tells me, yes...but entirely in their own manner. If their love always comes out of an originally traumatic place...then how is that possible? If they "use" us to repeat those early tragedies...as if we are vehicles for repetitions...then how can that be love? To them it is, to us, no...I don't think so...

Once: you writing to me about that hit me greatly this morning. For me to continue to allow myself "overvaluation"  of her words...well, it is as if I picked up the ball and began playing at her game...and I think as well, I have overevaluated her via herself and her qualities, but also Us as a couple...not only do I need to detach from her words, I need to unlearn her language, or "our"  private language we seemed to create with one another if this makes sense...

I also think, and this has been hard...that I need to be a bit thankful of her new relationship in the sense that it was a "circuit breaker" (not for her I think, but for us and me...) Without that circuit breaker, without him, she would have never had the strength to do this...and we most likely would be continuing things as they were before...maybe in a changed way...but in a way that would let all those things play out between us as they always did...nor would have I simply have made the decision to end the whole thing and move on...I was too caught up in our dynamic. So as as terrible what she did is and was...it was a good thing. I want to accept that. At least something broke that immediate circuit...or we might have continued on for another 6 years possibly...

Sorry to babble on...

Djac: the little bi-stable machine model video strikes me as perfect...while watching it I almost had quick flashbacks of my moods being regulated by hers...and actually, now that I write this I see perhaps that is part of the problem: even with NC (or hardly any) my moods are still being regulated by hers...not on an everyday level as when we lived together...but how terrible the ending was and all she did...Yes, my moods are still being blown around by that and also by the memories and overevaluations on my part . And I need to detach from that as Once says...

[crushedagain]

If her email was out of the blue after not hearing from her for quite some time, it sounds like things are not going well for her in her new little world and she's lashing out because she hasn't heard from you and realizes you are gone. What she really probably wanted was you as a fall back guy, and now that you're not, she's going to burn you down. That's the childish mentality of these types. Imagine the 4 year old that doesn't get what they want - they throw a tantrum and try to say the meanest things they can to get a reaction.

[cash05458]

thanks Crushed...I am not sure as so ugly...but I dont give a f+++k at this point...honest...

[Cromwell]

cash you are gonna be fine and already are, there is everything that comes across as strong so if one thing in all of this, throw anxiety to the side. The rest of it? my way of coping was to see it as a poison that has to be let out. but too hazardous to do it all in one day. but it will in time be gone.

 its a case of a little bit each day and this means a little bit better each day also

 was hard to notice the difference sometimes but I can now, the amount of good work you are doing right now is indescribable in terms of energy but it is going on and it wont always be like this.

so well done so far is all id like to say, each day as it goes. 

[cash05458]

Oh Cromwell...thank you for that...yes, it's been tough but hopefully I am getting there... as it has now been nearly 2 months...I find myself going hard on myself as I am not fully over this...hitting on self a bit for what I see as weakness on my part, or perhaps not entirely the right steps in right order or etc etc..so your note was very timely! Actually, I think that harsh self judgment on my part is the anxiety speaking...I need to keep in mind this was not going to be easy and certainly was always going to be an ongoing process...after two nearly months, I want it just over done, moved on and it doesn't bother me etc...but of course, this just was not going to happen...that isn't realistic.

[cash05458]

and Crushed, a follow up...just as an aside, well seems like things are going fine for her via the new thing...not that I can see anything or look...but her note mentioned saving all of her money for the "move to England"...so I would assume so...

Oddly, at this point, the further away she is the better in my mind for me...now, she is 250 miles away and I don't have to worry about running into her or "feeling" that she is nearby...3500 miles away sounds ever better...

I don't mean that just to be flippant...I just mention that what at first that literally made me so sad to even think of and that scared the heck out of me...well, now, it feels a bit different to me.

As for this out of the blue email...not sure what on earth would have brought it on...or the attacks therein...this notion that she was abused for 6 years in our relationship...well, it's absurd. Prolly comes from her just needing to continue onwards with splitting me entirely black. It is very obvious she deeply hates me now...and even a few days having passed that does not hurt me as much.  And of course I never responded to this letter. I could not see any point.Whatever I might say would bring certainly a prolly deeper attack back. That she may hate me so much now...well, I can do nothing about it. I think she is just going to take her own course and I can do nothing about it. I hope I have progressed in that. Even a few weeks or month ago I think it would have gotten to me much more. That's ok for me if she needs to hate me. I may not like it...but I know I am powerless to change that in any manner...and any attempt to do so on my side would just mean more pain and dark things.

As for the England thing...the interesting thing was at first, and even say 3 weeks ago...it was for a "visit"...now it it is being called a "move"...she said this numerous times in the email...as if she really wanted to underline this fact...which gives me a further feeling that she has literally "everything " riding on this going well...while I find that a strange way to start a new relationship it does make sense in the whole BP structure I now see...and I have no intention whatsoever of "being there" should that fantasy collapse down the line...

I had to chuckle a bit about one thing: while she refuses any help...meds or therapy or looking at herself at all and flies forward into this "I am moving to England to be with the man of my dreams for the rest of my life" stuff...I am the one now taking medicine...trying, as Cromwell said, to get the "poison" that we were out of me...I don't want to blunt my processing and recovery...but thought it might help with it. I hope so!     

[crushedagain]

Why not block her? What benefit do you get by not doing so?

[cash05458]

Hey Crushed...well, have her blocked everywhere but via Gmail, even if you block, it will show up in trash...ended up finding it there of course...what I should do is close down the account and start a new addy, but sorta need to keep all my contacts there...but yes, I should work out a better solution!

[brighter future]

Cash,

I'm totally onboard with the theory that Crushed shared with you on your ex's latest communication with you. I experienced a similar thing with my BPD ex-wife while our divorce was pending.

I may have shared this with you before, but I can't remember for sure. Due to my ex wife's mental illness, I filed for emergency sole temporary custody of our child. My atty. recommended that I file for divorce also stating that it would make things easier, however, I told the atty. to hold off on that as I wanted to give my ex a chance to get better through therapy. So, the atty. just filed the petition for custody, and it was granted by the judge in a exparte hearing followed by a probable cause hearing. She filed for divorce alleging physical and mental abuse by me and stated in her petition that she was "terrified to be left alone with me." Interestingly enough, we had to attend a court ordered mediation about a month after I was awarded sole custody and after her divorce petition was filed. During this mediation session, the mediator told me that my ex "Said she didn't want a divorce and wondered if this could be worked out." Pretty interesting how she went from being terrified to be alone with me a month earlier to wanting to work things out. I gave the mediator a definite NO on the reconciliation after my ex's ridiculous allegations of abuse. After mediation, my ex resumed her allegations of abuse and her fear of being left alone with me. When the divorce finally made it to court, the judge ruled that there was no abuse after hearing our testimony and wrote in the divorce decree that "no reasonable person (referring to my ex-wife) would allege abuse in this case." Following the court hearing for the divorce, she had no issue being alone with me during exchanges with our child, etc. She literally makes me sick, and I don't trust her as far as I could throw her.

Throughout the majority of our marriage (up until it turned bad) she had her parents painted black and accused them of physical and mental abuse. When our marriage soured, she painted me black, and her parents became golden. In the forensic psychologists notes, she accused her parents of abuse. The psychologist testified about this, and my ex accused him of lying (why would you accuse the court appointed expert of lying?) and stated that her parents never abuse her. She stated that her parents "simply didn't understand my needs as a child. They did not abuse me. They just did the best they could." She has been playing fairly nice with me since she got back from inpatient treatment nearly a month ago. I know it will only last so long before she slips back into her old pattern of lying and manipulation. It's a never ending cycle.

It sounds like you are doing a bit better since receiving that crazy email the other day. Just try not to internalize her crazy words like everyone is suggesting. I know it's hard to do after reading allegations like that about you, which are completely false. I've been there, and I partly believe pwBPD actually believe their own lies when they speak them. Like my old T used to say, "Ignore...ignore...ignore." That really is the best policy when dealing with pwBPD. It took me a while to learn that and accept it, but it really does work. When you respond to the crazy, nothing good will ever come out of it.

Stay strong!

[cash05458]

Brighter...thanks...yes, the false "I was abused stuff" does seem to come up a lot doesn't it with them? Classic projection. and it makes sense. They were abused...just not by us.

The deeper I get into understanding, the more I see "belief" is a big problem with BPD...and for us as codependents...for instance, my ex's new belief that she is moving to england for rest of life as new facebook guy is so wonderful and that is forever...and that I am "evil"...this sorta intense belief...this stuff all filters into imaginary  and magical thinking...LIKEWISE, that we can be the one there to fix and help when we have become the trigger of that bad past for them to be honest...I feel there is a whole other part to this site for those trying to stick there and help them and keep it going...I mean no offense to anyone for trying and god bless...I admire the toughness...but if we are serious about this disorder...well...

[Turkish]

With that threat, in no way respond. She might be granted a TRO which was once told to me, "are usually granted if the person writes well." A former staff member had an RO on his wife. She later filed and successfully got a TRO on him while they shared custody of their tween daughter. My ex was granted a TRO against her husband's brother. No real evidence presented other than she was afraid. There was a call to the police that she made. That was it.

We've had members here get into trouble even though their exes violated the restraining orders.

We don't recommend ghosting significant others here (it's not healthy and can raise conflict, and you can feel the pain that she did it to you),  but in cases like yours, going incognito is best for you.

[cash05458]

Thank You Turkish...yes, I will not contact her in any way after that threat.

[brighter future]

Brighter...thanks...yes, the false "I was abused stuff" does seem to come up a lot doesn't it with them? Classic projection. and it makes sense. They were abused...just not by us.

The deeper I get into understanding, the more I see "belief" is a big problem with BPD...and for us as codependents...for instance, my ex's new belief that she is moving to england for rest of life as new facebook guy is so wonderful and that is forever...and that I am "evil"...this sorta intense belief...this stuff all filters into imaginary  and magical thinking...LIKEWISE, that we can be the one there to fix and help when we have become the trigger of that bad past for them to be honest...I feel there is a whole other part to this site for those trying to stick there and help them and keep it going...I mean no offense to anyone for trying and god bless...I admire the toughness...but if we are serious about this disorder...well...

Cash, sorry it has taken me a few days to respond to you. It's been a busy week so far for me, but thankfully the weekend is almost here. I hope that this week has been a bit better for you.

My ex-wife claimed she was sexually abused by her uncle. The age ranges of when this abuse happened varied at least 3-4 times throughout the years. So, we didn't know what to believe. As I said before, she accused her parents of physical and emotional abuse only to deny it towards the end of our legal proceedings. Of course, she accused me of abusing her, other family members, teachers, friends, and even accused church clergy of spiritual abuse. Her thinking is so distorted that she even views differences of opinion as emotional abuse, especially when you stand up to her manipulative behavior and set boundaries. She was involved with a man for about 9 months last year and into the latter part of 2019. He was the 4th or 5th since our divorce was final in early 2015. My daughter was telling me that her mother told her that she was "going to marry this guy and have more children with him." The relationship came to an abrupt halt about a year ago from this coming Spring. He was in another relationship a few months later. I met him once a year ago this month, and he seemed like a nice guy. My guess is that he caught on to her mental illness and decided to get out. My ex-wife is the eternal victim, and nothing is ever her fault.

In regards to my recent ex-g/f, she told me there was some inappropriate behavior during the marriage but nothing in the way of physical abuse. That was interesting because she told two of her extended family members (who are also mutual friends of mine) that there was some physical and emotional and emotional abuse. We now believe that she was most likely saying all of that to play the victim and devalue her ex-husband to all of us.  I'd say that's what you've got going on right now with your ex's latest crazy antics, which is another BPD trait. My ex-g/f is different than my ex-wife. Sometimes she plays the victim, and other times she is accountable for her actions.

I saw my ex-g/f last Friday evening again while she was next door at her parent's house visiting (second time in a week), and it was a bizarre encounter. I was backing out of my driveway to go to a restaurant in town to pick up some takeout that I'd ordered over the phone. As I was backing up, she was walking down her parent's sidewalk which runs parallel to my driveway about 40 feet apart. We've usually always been cordial and waved at one another since the breakup while she's been next door.  This time, she kept looking down and the ground and refused to acknowledge me even though her son was standing a short distance away from her. He was waving at me and jumping up and down with excitement. I acknowledged him with a wave and smile, however, I paid no attention to her and drove past where she was parked and headed to pick up my food. Just yesterday, she acknowledged one of my social media posts on a mutual friend's page. How strange...

I've been taking those Ashwagandha capsules for anxiety for just over a week now. I'm not sure if it's just in my head or not, but I haven't been feeling as much anxiety as I've felt for the last several months. There's a two months supply of those in my cabinet, so I can give a better account of how I feel after taking them for a longer period of time. The cost on those is $22 for a one month supply, or 60 capsules.

Hope you have a great weekend. Do something nice for yourself.

[cash05458]

Hey Brighter and thanks for the response...yes, that is strange that she liked one of your posts thru a friend on social media...these things all seem to be signs...

I realize via mine that the whole point of her contacting me last month  and offering to help a bit when she got her massive unemployment check of 8 grand or so was simply a ruse. She had no intention of perhaps doing the right thing after the way she left me stranded here. I am not even sure what set her off. I mentioned to her that I did not want to hear about her new thing in a response email as she had been talking about him yet again. After that came the note that she felt I had abused her for the previous 6 years and any help would be withdrawn...again, as I am her abuser she now feels. She also mentioned she needs all this money and is going to save up 18 grand for her move to england where she plans to immediately apply for british citizenship once they are married! All this for someone she has never yet met...

I guess if she is married, she needs to show 18 grand in her bank account to the gov. so they know she won't be a social liability...interesting! So this is her plan I guess...and then she should become a british citizen in 5 years time...this after paying another 20 grand in fees along the way...she would be 65 at that point.

It's quite the plan...this might sound mean spirited but there is nothing to do with someone so crazy and so living in fantasy...from what I hear the guy as well is going along with it all and really wants all this. (This brought up the question in my head of what happens when two BPD's get together...not that I believe he is and I certainly have no insight to him...it was just a question of what if that does happen in real life even to others?)

I am just amazed at the splitting that has gone on here towards me via all this. Yes, it's common...but at this point, it is like we never existed as a couple. I am not complaining about that. But boy, she hates my guts...so be it I guess. I have totally given up on any notion of closure via her and I. It is really ok tho: she can hate me all she wants as far as I am concerned. Whatever she needs to "float her boat"...

Emotionally, this has gotten better...I still have anxiety about the future and getting on feet. I managed to sell some things (guitar) to raise about half the money for a cheap car...and am hopeful by next week to have other half...then will go find a quick job.

But emotionally via her...and how this all unfolded...it is a bit better...her betrayal and all of her stunts hurt less now...nor do I feel much about her new thing...a bit, but not much...those things are not bothering me so severely...in fact, I can't really put together who she has become with what we went thru...and I do not miss her at this point. Nor do I now worry if she tried a recycle...she won't...but if she did I am in no danger. Any sympathies I held have left...I merely see her as a dangerous person at this point. I would not say I hate her...but I certainly dislike this person now. That helps actually and is far more realistic. My sympathies would do nothing for her anyhow even if I still held them. It all sounds a bit cold...but I do not care what happens to her. The stuff she pulled via us were so extreme that I can't say I wish her well, but that isn't up to me anyhow.

I am still rather shell shocked by all the things she did of course...but it is better. I am still amazed that she was able to simply dump her own pets, her  cats...and realize I will be taking care of them for the rest of their lives as I am just like that. That's ok as I love animals. Still, I find it shocking she could simply abandon them all...I guess they too were simply part of her fake reality...all the talk about how they were her family etc...the mirror was broken on them as well, poor things. My feeling is that she identifies them now with too much of our time together...so like everything, they have to be denied and turned black. The funny thing is she showed up with them in the first place. They don't fit the english plan so out they go...admirable.

While I am still going thru lots of things...I have to say not dealing with her drama and rage attacks for two months has done me good...this place is now mine and it's moods and emotions and daily life are no longer run by her...it's simply up to me. THAT I can handle hopefully...

[Cromwell]

cash you are not just on your way, there is a lot of strength here already, and its been 2 months of a sequelae of emotional and practical stresses to deal with. consider wishing her well, as I did, for one simple reason - it limits the chance of her back on your doorstep as "plan B". Maybe she doesnt know how much she misses the animals until after some time apart and she changes her mind?

hope your appetite returns, and was wondering if your sleep is alright, both ive found out are important to mood and maybe worth reflecting more on if they are issues.

stick in there, maybe you already have been through the toughest part, for many the first few months are and then report it gets easier.