Is it common for partners with BPD to cheat?

[JoyfulRebellion]

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months now. She has been very open with me about her relationship history and talks very openly about past flings and sexual encounters and times she’s cheated on past partners. She assured me she wouldn’t cheat on me. But I’ve seen her check out other women when we’re out together. I’m honestly really paranoid about it. And I know that the need for external validation is huge for people with BPD. I know her feeling attractive to other people (even though we’re together and she knows I’m crazy about her) will always be a thing for her. Will I ever really be enough for her or will she always need that external validation from other people, which would lead her to cheat?

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[Cat Familiar]

The old saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” may or may not apply in your case. It depends how committed she is to the relationship. What is important is that you already understand that as someone with BPD, her needs for validation are high, and that’s easy for us nons to forget.

I’ve been married to two husbands with BPD. The first was a chronic cheater; my current spouse, unless he’s been extremely clever, has shown no signs of doing that.

Checking out other people while in your company is not an attractive quality. Have you spoken about that with her? I did with my first husband and he didn’t change his behavior much.