Regret or Remorse?

[wondering11]

Do people with BPD ever feel regret or remorse for ending a relationship in a sudden and cold manner?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

welcome wondering11,

BPD is a very puzzling illness.    It's hard to understand what goes on or within a person who has the illness or some of the traits.

People with BPD (pwBPD)  have harmfully intense emotions that swing rapidly.    Sometimes the emotions become so intense the pwBPD appears to dissociate, or disconnect from the emotions and become 'cold' or detached.

It is also important to remember that no two pwBPD are completely alike.   It is the unique events of each person's life that make up the content of the fears and distorted thinking in BPD.

Do you want to say what's going on with you that makes you ask?

[Scared2Lose]

In my experience, if they do, it is only inward. I'm dealing with a very dramatic divorce currently, and most of the time my wBPD expresses remorse, it is that she feels bad about herself for what she's doing.

If they leave, it is because feel in their core that the person they are leaving is pure evil. Allowing themselves to feel guilt about what they're doing would mean they'd have to accept and internalize the darker aspects of their nature. Something they can't do for self-preservation reasons.

I believe that some part of them does regret their decisions, but depending on where they are in their recovery, or if they're in recovery at all, the BPD aspect of their nature drowns those thoughts and feelings the moment they arise.

Don't hate or resent the person. Hate and resent the condition that keeps the real them from you. Like if they stopped talking to you because they had cancer and were going through chemo. You wouldn't demonize the person, you'd demonize the illness.

At least that's how I try to think of it. It's helped me remain detached and even-keel, for the most part.