Deciding What To Do

[awakenow68]

I recently realized why my husband is so "hot and cold" - I believe he shows signs of BPD. I went back and read all my documents where I wrote down his crazy behavior and realized what was happening. Selfishly, I was happy it wasn't me doing something wrong!

Then I read "Stop Caretaking The Borderline/Narcissist" and it changed everything for me. I realized what a Caretaker I've been and how I need to break that.

My dilemma is that 90% of the time, my husband is fine. I'm trying to decide what I should do - stay and understand better how his brain works or just go. In preparation, I've started reading "Splitting" just to be prepared and doing other things to get ready to leave if needed. We do have a son together who is 12 so that complicates this.

Anyway, I'd love to hear anyone's experience about what to do - stay, knowing that my husband's emotional level is not the same as mine, or go...or just keep getting ready to go if needed. Thoughts?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Glad you found us, awakenow68 

You must have been together a long time to have a 12 year old... yes?

You'll find members here who have "stuck it out" and have kids, and have made things better/livable. You'll also find members who have chosen to end the marriage even with kids involved. This is a great board (Bettering) to start on, because you can learn tools and skills here to "not make it worse" while you decide what is best (or, sometimes, "least worst") for you to do.

How do the "hot and cold" episodes look?

Was he "always this way", or did something happen that you can pinpoint and say "yeah, that's when it really got crazy"?

Hang in there;

kells76