just a question for thoughts and ideas...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am wondering about what the more "expert" members of this wonderful forum think of the following question. I am not asking because of anything personal regarding my ex BDP. Simply wondering what folks think.

What happens when two pwPDP's find one another and start/have a serious  love relationship?


That, I would imagine, must be quite complicated... 

[cash05458]

I am wondering about what the more "expert" members of this wonderful forum think of the following question. I am not asking because of anything personal regarding my ex BDP. Simply wondering what folks think.

What happens when two pwPDP's find one another and start/have a serious  love relationship?


That, I would imagine, must be quite complicated... 

[khibomsis]

  I shouldn't laugh, no doubt there is much pain and suffering on both sides. But Oh! to be a fly on the wall in those conflagrations...
From what I hear, BPD's can't stand each other, the preferred combination seems to be BPD/NPD or BPD/co-dependent. That is why BPD support groups are notoriously difficult to organize, too much emotional dysregulation going on. People trigger each other at the drop of a hat and nobody to SET and calm things down. 
The true experts will be along in a while, it will be interesting to hear what they say.

[Goosey]

Maybe the closest thing to a black hole in this Galaxy.
(To hopeful to wish) a

[Schlaff]

By no means am I an expert, but... imo there’s absolutely no way two BPDs could get into a serious relationship. I’ve spent enough time thinking “man, what if I acted this way to her?” And read the exact same thoughts on here. The answers to that vary, of course, even within people with BPD, but I don’t see any route to prolonged romantic relationship. Toxic on-again-off-again maybe.

[Cromwell]

I visualise it as when my two former therapists find each other during lunch break at some conference

ok that was a disturbing thought, but moving on - swiftly to the next...

[crushedagain]

Since it's all about them, it doesn't seem there'd be any room for either of them in the relationship, because they'd both be looking to drain the other. My ex was a quiet BPD, and when she went into her crying episodes she wanted and needed comforting. This could happen many days in a row. The thought of both partners needing that sort of coddling made me laugh out loud.

[HopelessBroken]

During one of my expwBPD’s abrupt breakups with me, he went directly to a dating site and met and moved in with a BPD.

He explained they met, he moved into her house within one week.  They were each others “twin flame.”They were intimate immediately. They planned a trip to Mexico right away.  They began drinking heavily together. They went on the trip and drank to excess the entire trip and at one point my ex physically assaulted her.  They came back and him not trusting her, he followed her one night and found her with another man.  He went to her home to remove his things and he trashed her home. They broke up.

Although this is a quick version, it’s an example of the explosiveness and instability that can occur when you put two people with this disorder together.

And I case you were wondering, it was all HER fault in his eyes.

And...he was attempting to contact me during their entire relationship. ( I was NC)

[khibomsis]

  This thread is killing me! Trying hard to not let the need for compassion FOG my enjoyment
Well said Crushed.

[brighter future]

A very interesting thread. Two BPD's would mix together about as well as oil and water! It would definitely be World War III. 

[SinisterComplex]

This is a tough one because there is a lot to unpack. They typically attract one another. A lot of disordered people attract one another. Its almost a situation of your F*cked up matches my F*cked up. Then they convince themselves they can understand me like no other. Then the whirlwind begins. Its intense and passionate of course. Emotional dysregulation and dysfunction guarantee this. However, just as fast as the Mountain Top is Reached the inevitable crash landing through the sea floor is all but assured.

One thing a lot of people tend to forget is that disordered people are still people and have unique gifts too. Usually when a disorder occurs that means there is usually a counter balance somewhere else such as being hyper empathic (do not misinterpret...usually someone with BPD is more highly attuned to negative emotions...the persistent on edge searching for signs of abandonment for example). Also, not all people with BPD are monsters or bad. There are definitely varying degrees of the disorder. Perhaps another issue is that trying to put people in a box does those with disorders a disservice because perhaps someone with BPD is comorbid and maybe it isn't the BPD that is the issue, but instead the other accompanying disorder that is the root of the problem for that person. I would argue that dealing with someone NPD or a BPD comorbid with NPD would be a real issue.

Something else to take into account...the trauma in that person's past plays a huge role. The more messed up the trauma the higher the odds the dysfunction is severe.

The end result for a 2 bpd relationship would not be healthy or reciprocal most likely and certainly would turn toxic. However, again...there are too many factors at play to really predict how it would it go.

That's all I have for now.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-