An update after NINE years

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well, if someone had told me that I'd be back here again after 9 years...I wouldn't have believe them! My ex broke up with me 9 1/2 years ago. This site provided so many valuable tools to help me cope and get through. I learned so much about BPD and everything...EVERYTHING made sense! I'm here to tell anyone who may be at various stages of a break up that the post break scenarios are also SOO predictable... Post breakup, I never would have believed my ex would have wanted me back or try to get me back! I was so dumped, and he was so over me. He left our break up lunch and headed directly to a public speaking engagement where he had to get on stage and address a thousand people (did I mention he's also a local celebrity?). He obviously wasn't affected by our breakup... But guess what? Yep... numerous recycle attempts were made over the next few years and somehow, he seemed to have forgotten how "miserable" he was when we were together. He only remembered how "great" it was... Regardless, I did not attempt to reconcile. I knew it would only happen again and the good times would only last so long. (Thanks to this site!) 
 
At the time of my break up (you can see previous posts) the rug was pulled out from under me, leaving me confused, broken hearted, etc. etc... the usual. I did the no contact, which helped me immensely. After I spent a long time working on myself, I entered another relationship which also ended, but ended on my terms and in the right way. Fast forward a few years... I was able to forge a friendship with my BPD ex. Yea, I know, I had to be clear that I was completely OVER the dysfunction and truly had no desire to re-enter that drama filled confusion as a relationship partner. So, as a friend, we have enjoyed texting, talking on the phone at times and we occasionally have gotten together for lunch. NOT being the romantic partner changed the dynamic and I truly have zero interest to be his girlfriend. And actually, we became very close as friends! I have no stress having him in my life and I'm still in touch with his daughter who is now grown up. My ex is a good guy...just disordered and not into getting himself together psychologically.

I've seen him go through a couple relationships. The woman he dumped me for lasted 6 years which was twice as long as we were together.  His relationship with her was drama filled from the beginning...but he stayed with her quite a while. I've noticed the same cycles occur with the "new girl" as they did with me. The idolization period where their relationship is posted all over social media...then it spirals downward and the woman becomes the "bad one" (painted black). In the beginning he goes through his fitness regimen, diets and gets in shape, gets happy...then by the end of the relationship, he is depressed, heavy and "in a dark place" as he puts it. Always the same cycle.

What has led me back to this forum is the fact that I needed to log on and read my previous posts about our relationship...to be reminded how bad it was and what I went through. You see, as of this week...my ex decided that due to his new love interest...he no longer "needs me". I have now known him for 12 years... and as I said, we formed a close friendship. We text regularly and I've been a shoulder and vice versa. But in December, he took a road trip cross country to see his daughter (since it's not safe to fly) and he met a woman ON his road trip 800 miles away! Apparently, they have kept in touch long distance and they are now "IN A RELATIONSHIP" and made it Face Book official as of last week. My ex and I would also regularly message on Facebook until one day, two weeks ago, literally a day after we had last messaged...I saw his profile pop up as "people you might know". I contacted him thinking he had been hacked. Then he told me that he got rid of his old account and started a new one for work. Ok, I sort of believed him even though it sounded strange and he didn't friend me from the new account. THEN, I find out that his new long distance girlfriend doesn't want him in communication with any females that he had ever dated. SO, two nights ago, we had a conversation which was incredibly difficult for me but he didn't seem to be as bothered...and he told me that if he were to keep our friendship and we were in communication, it would have to be secret because she's been cheated on in the past and if she knew, it would be the end of his relationship with her... Ouch! Seriously?

Get where I'm going with this? That's right... HE no longer NEEDS me to fill whatever I was filling in his life as he was between girlfriends for two years. I have now been replaced...AGAIN. Even though this hurts and it did open my wound, I am somewhat not surprised. It reaffirms why I was wise to not re-enter a romantic relationship with him. Sadly, I didn't think I could get hurt again if I was his friend. I guess I was wrong. I do feel discarded and it does hurt. I really thought that I was a valued friend. But perhaps that's not even possible, is it? I served a purpose for him and when that was done, he had no problem tossing me and our friendship aside. When this new relationship goes south, and it will... I'm sure he'll need my shoulder again. Except this time, it's not going to happen. I suppose what is most hurtful is that I would never allow a new relationship partner to dictate who I can and can't have in my life. Especially if it's someone who's been there for 12 years. I would have to walk away and tell them that my friendships are valuable to me and if they had a problem with that then this doesn't seem like the start of something healthy.

I welcome any words of wisdom are welcome! The good news, is that I'm no where NEAR where I was 9 years ago! I'm a stronger person because of that!

[mermaid8]

Well, if someone had told me that I'd be back here again after 9 years...I wouldn't have believe them! My ex broke up with me 9 1/2 years ago. This site provided so many valuable tools to help me cope and get through. I learned so much about BPD and everything...EVERYTHING made sense! I'm here to tell anyone who may be at various stages of a break up that the post break scenarios are also SOO predictable... Post breakup, I never would have believed my ex would have wanted me back or try to get me back! I was so dumped, and he was so over me. He left our break up lunch and headed directly to a public speaking engagement where he had to get on stage and address a thousand people (did I mention he's also a local celebrity?). He obviously wasn't affected by our breakup... But guess what? Yep... numerous recycle attempts were made over the next few years and somehow, he seemed to have forgotten how "miserable" he was when we were together. He only remembered how "great" it was... Regardless, I did not attempt to reconcile. I knew it would only happen again and the good times would only last so long. (Thanks to this site!) 
 
At the time of my break up (you can see previous posts) the rug was pulled out from under me, leaving me confused, broken hearted, etc. etc... the usual. I did the no contact, which helped me immensely. After I spent a long time working on myself, I entered another relationship which also ended, but ended on my terms and in the right way. Fast forward a few years... I was able to forge a friendship with my BPD ex. Yea, I know, I had to be clear that I was completely OVER the dysfunction and truly had no desire to re-enter that drama filled confusion as a relationship partner. So, as a friend, we have enjoyed texting, talking on the phone at times and we occasionally have gotten together for lunch. NOT being the romantic partner changed the dynamic and I truly have zero interest to be his girlfriend. And actually, we became very close as friends! I have no stress having him in my life and I'm still in touch with his daughter who is now grown up. My ex is a good guy...just disordered and not into getting himself together psychologically.

I've seen him go through a couple relationships. The woman he dumped me for lasted 6 years which was twice as long as we were together.  His relationship with her was drama filled from the beginning...but he stayed with her quite a while. I've noticed the same cycles occur with the "new girl" as they did with me. The idolization period where their relationship is posted all over social media...then it spirals downward and the woman becomes the "bad one" (painted black). In the beginning he goes through his fitness regimen, diets and gets in shape, gets happy...then by the end of the relationship, he is depressed, heavy and "in a dark place" as he puts it. Always the same cycle.

What has led me back to this forum is the fact that I needed to log on and read my previous posts about our relationship...to be reminded how bad it was and what I went through. You see, as of this week...my ex decided that due to his new love interest...he no longer "needs me". I have now known him for 12 years... and as I said, we formed a close friendship. We text regularly and I've been a shoulder and vice versa. But in December, he took a road trip cross country to see his daughter (since it's not safe to fly) and he met a woman ON his road trip 800 miles away! Apparently, they have kept in touch long distance and they are now "IN A RELATIONSHIP" and made it Face Book official as of last week. My ex and I would also regularly message on Facebook until one day, two weeks ago, literally a day after we had last messaged...I saw his profile pop up as "people you might know". I contacted him thinking he had been hacked. Then he told me that he got rid of his old account and started a new one for work. Ok, I sort of believed him even though it sounded strange and he didn't friend me from the new account. THEN, I find out that his new long distance girlfriend doesn't want him in communication with any females that he had ever dated. SO, two nights ago, we had a conversation which was incredibly difficult for me but he didn't seem to be as bothered...and he told me that if he were to keep our friendship and we were in communication, it would have to be secret because she's been cheated on in the past and if she knew, it would be the end of his relationship with her... Ouch! Seriously?

Get where I'm going with this? That's right... HE no longer NEEDS me to fill whatever I was filling in his life as he was between girlfriends for two years. I have now been replaced...AGAIN. Even though this hurts and it did open my wound, I am somewhat not surprised. It reaffirms why I was wise to not re-enter a romantic relationship with him. Sadly, I didn't think I could get hurt again if I was his friend. I guess I was wrong. I do feel discarded and it does hurt. I really thought that I was a valued friend. But perhaps that's not even possible, is it? I served a purpose for him and when that was done, he had no problem tossing me and our friendship aside. When this new relationship goes south, and it will... I'm sure he'll need my shoulder again. Except this time, it's not going to happen. I suppose what is most hurtful is that I would never allow a new relationship partner to dictate who I can and can't have in my life. Especially if it's someone who's been there for 12 years. I would have to walk away and tell them that my friendships are valuable to me and if they had a problem with that then this doesn't seem like the start of something healthy.

I welcome any words of wisdom are welcome! The good news, is that I'm no where NEAR where I was 9 years ago! I'm a stronger person because of that!

[Goosey]

How he treated you (again) is... oh there a lot of words depending on your real feelings. Cruel. Devaluing. Insincere. Aloof.   
 
     So what to do.
Why do we not HATE them like they hate us when they lash out and cut us up?
  I do the same thing in my ongoing never ending mess with a person who I have been divorcing for two years and haven’t seen in almost a year.
   I only get cries for funds not friendship.
      You seem grounded in the reality of the relationship and the condition. I am getting there but I do waver and fall back  to rescuer (money) and really honestly don’t want anything but knowing I did “the right thing”. (?my weakness)
  But it’s not the right thing. The right thing is to HATE! Like I have been subjected to.
So I know BPD is awful.
But what am I? I know all the tactics they use. Been through the gauntlet. So why don’t I just shut it down hard? I don’t care your dog is dying, being evicted, car in disrepair bla bla bla.
(Mind you it’s all my fault but ... ya cash is fine)
Empathy sucks. It overpowers hate.
So I hate empathy but stuck with it. Like they are being nuts.


 

[crushedagain]

One of my personal boundaries is I won't date women who are friends and keep in contact with their exes, so I don't disagree with what his new gf is requesting. I mean no disrespect to you, but there's really no point in maintaining a friendship with an ex, especially when there's a new romantic interest.

[mermaid8]

One of my personal boundaries is I won't date women who are friends and keep in contact with their exes, so I don't disagree with what his new gf is requesting. I mean no disrespect to you, but there's really no point in maintaining a friendship with an ex, especially when there's a new romantic interest.

I think it depends on everyone's personal experiences. My parents divorced after 27 years of marriage and were able to maintain a very good friendship without either one of them wishing to revisit a romantic relationship. So, I have had a different experience as far as that goes in terms of what I've experienced and witnessed. Just because a romantic relationship doesn't work out between two people, does not mean they cannot or shouldn't maintain a friendship. It's called maturity. I don't go through life burning bridges. I was even friends with my ex's, ex wife on social media. She was grateful that I was in her kids' lives and she made sure I knew that. Everyone has their own comfort level. If that's your boundary, more power to you. We're all different.

My ex and I have not been in a relationship for almost 10 years. All friendship. Nothing more. It has more to do with the WAY in which he casually tossed me aside, than the new girl stating her rules.

I personally wouldn't feel right about telling a boyfriend that there's no way he could be friends with someone he had dated in the past. It would raise some red flags to me if someone I was involved with told me they hadn't retained any friendships with anyone that they had dated. That speaks of someone's character, to not be able to be civil and maintain some friendships even if the relationship failed. Sometimes things just don't work out and neither person wants to continue the romance, but they can still be friends. In my opinion, there's no hard and fast rule to that.

[Goosey]

Romantic relationship versa bpd relationship.
  Two different animals.

[crushedagain]

My boundaries are my boundaries. Unless she has kids with him, which makes it unavoidable, I'm not interested in ANY woman who maintains a relationship with a man who has had sexual intercourse with her in the past. Period. I'm not alone in that regard.

[Goosey]

“Interested”
Sounds a bit possessive.
Are you conveying that it’s impossible to just be friendly in passing or linked in community social circles after a broken relationship not involving the extremes of a mental  disorder?
Seems a bit rash. People do move on after normal breakups without the cops and suicide watches. This world is different.

[crushedagain]

When I said "interested," I meant in a romantic relationship. I have no problem with people who want to be friends with exes, it's just not something I would be ok with in a romantic partner. The "sounds a bit possessive," sounds a bit confrontational.

[Goosey]

Whatever.

[mermaid8]

My boundaries are my boundaries. Unless she has kids with him, which makes it unavoidable, I'm not interested in ANY woman who maintains a relationship with a man who has had sexual intercourse with her in the past. Period. I'm not alone in that regard.

Again, more power to you. If that works for you that's what you have to do. Personally, if any man suggested or told me that I was unable to maintain a friendship with someone that I had previously dated, that would be a huge red flag indicated insecurity and possessiveness to me... And I would run like hell. But...we are all different.

I think the point of my initial post was lost somewhere, which was the WAY my ex who is now a close friend, chose to create a new Facebook account the day after we had just been in touch on messenger and not have the decency to tell me "hey, just letting you know, I'm creating a new account and it's best we're not friends due to my new relationship". He DISCARDED me because he no longer "NEEDED" me for what I had been providing.

I'll go on to say, that we were close friends. He went through a cancer diagnosis two years ago and I was moral support for him, attending some of his oncology appointments to provide another set of ears. This was not just a casual chat buddy on social media. This is why the 2nd dump, opened a wound. He did to me 9 1/2 years ago when he broke up. I trusted enough to form a friendship and he did it again. Even though it has not been an intimate relationship does not mean that my feelings were not involved. I love my friends. This hurt me deeply. The way it was done. The way it was done so casually as if it bothered him very little if any. THIS is the point.

In summary, a BPD does not change. When they are done with us nons, for whatever void we were filling...they are done and can move on.

This man was also in touch with my family. After I healed and we became friends, my family embraced him. This was not a casual little chat here and there. It was a friendship.

And yes...MATURE people can be friends with people they have had in relationships. Again, I'd see it as a huge red flag if someone burned all bridges and were unable to or did not have a desire to remain friends with anyone. We're all different.

[mermaid8]

“Interested”
Sounds a bit possessive.
Are you conveying that it’s impossible to just be friendly in passing or linked in community social circles after a broken relationship not involving the extremes of a mental  disorder?
Seems a bit rash. People do move on after normal breakups without the cops and suicide watches. This world is different.

I agree 100%... Not everything ends in drama. It's up to the more grounded individuals to take the higher road and move forward. Thankfully, there does seem to be more grounded individuals than not! Most of my friends who have since divorced, remain friendly with their exes. That is what mature and psychologically healthy people do. Considering these were not divorces that were the result of a "Lifetime Movie" scenario. Sometimes people just have irreconcilable differences.  

[cash05458]

I think the whole point is we need to cut off "care"...care has been the entire problem that led us to this...why be friends or help? They don't give a sh++t about us deep down...

I am new to this...but via mine, I see the pull ...they don't care at all via our emotions...why pay any attention at all? Friendship? Being there for them after? of course they flip it and screw us over...this is BDP...

we need to stop caring...

[Goosey]

The most depressing thing is I can’t figure out how  cut/paste previous comments ugh haha. 
But to stop “caring”... yes you are right... and I don’t care initially when the repeated cry reaches me. But somehow I always fall back into the rescuer mode.
 This cycle lasted a mere 8 days.now more money needed urgently for the same reasons last money was needed(?).
Won’t respond.
Enough.
  It’s a one way street. If I need urgent help I’m sure I’ll just be ignored or vilified.
  Yes your right.
  As my old mom says “ I need to grow a pair of b—lls” haha.

[khibomsis]

Mermaid, I am so sorry you are having your heart broken - again. It never gets easier, does it?
 I am friends with a couple of my exes. It took long periods of NC or LC, and especially when they met new partners I made a point of staying away. I made a decision that I did not want to be blamed when things went awry. Which they did, awry they went with a vengeance, until my exes/new friends had fixed whatever it was that caused me to move on in the first place.
Your ex is still untreated BPD (sounds a little narcissistic as well). He is showing that in the way he is treating you. Yes, he will treat the new woman the same way once the idealization is over.  When a person tells you who they are, believe them. And move on with your life.  It is good you discovered who he truly is before you waste any more emotional energy propping him up.  
Btw, I too would not accept a new partner telling me whom to be friends with. My rule of thumb is that when we are apart longer than we were together, ex-status lapses and we can be friends in good conscience.    That depends on whether they have put in the therapeutic work. Indeed my most recent expwBPD would get very jealous and you are right, that should have been a big 

[mermaid8]

I think the whole point is we need to cut off "care"...care has been the entire problem that led us to this...why be friends or help? They don't give a sh++t about us deep down...

I am new to this...but via mine, I see the pull ...they don't care at all via our emotions...why pay any attention at all? Friendship? Being there for them after? of course they flip it and screw us over...this is BDP...

we need to stop caring...

I think this is exactly what this last scenario has taught me. I really did think we could be friends. I thought that I could take the "good parts" of what brought us together in the first place and still have a healthy friendship.

Being unable to process things the way a BPD does, make me incapable of understanding that we are merely providing a void or filling the need of the moment. And, when the shiny new object comes in, we are no longer needed. It's not about anything more than that. I now truly know that regardless of whether or not it's a friendship or a romantic relationship...we are all pawns...and it's ALWAYS someone else's fault...and the lack the capacity to really even understand what they're doing which is how they somehow justify their behavior.

I'm fairly certain that I am once again painted black. (I must look like a zebra by now, LOL)...

[mermaid8]

Mermaid, I am so sorry you are having your heart broken - again. It never gets easier, does it?
 I am friends with a couple of my exes. It took long periods of NC or LC, and especially when they met new partners I made a point of staying away. I made a decision that I did not want to be blamed when things went awry. Which they did, awry they went with a vengeance, until my exes/new friends had fixed whatever it was that caused me to move on in the first place.
Your ex is still untreated BPD (sounds a little narcissistic as well). He is showing that in the way he is treating you. Yes, he will treat the new woman the same way once the idealization is over.  When a person tells you who they are, believe them. And move on with your life.  It is good you discovered who he truly is before you waste any more emotional energy propping him up.  
Btw, I too would not accept a new partner telling me whom to be friends with. My rule of thumb is that when we are apart longer than we were together, ex-status lapses and we can be friends in good conscience.    That depends on whether they have put in the therapeutic work. Indeed my most recent expwBPD would get very jealous and you are right, that should have been a big 

Thank you, and well-said!
One of my favorites "when someone tells you who they are, believe them"... I could have avoided a LOT of heartache! In the beginning he told me that he usually "runs from relationships, but I was different".. ha ha... I actually believed him! I was going to be the ONE to CHANGE him! Lol. Well, the good thing is that I'm pretty savvy about avoiding signs in new partners and run like hell if I think I'm being love bombed. A healthy relationship doesn't consist of drama.

I've decided to sit back and watch the scenario unfold with regards to his new relationship. It's actually pretty interesting to watch something go through the exact same stages that are all so predictable in a disordered relationship. I truly wish him the best and wish he would get help someday, but I think that is a longshot!

[mermaid8]

The most depressing thing is I can’t figure out how  cut/paste previous comments ugh haha.  
But to stop “caring”... yes you are right... and I don’t care initially when the repeated cry reaches me. But somehow I always fall back into the rescuer mode.
 This cycle lasted a mere 8 days.now more money needed urgently for the same reasons last money was needed(?).
Won’t respond.
Enough.
  It’s a one way street. If I need urgent help I’m sure I’ll just be ignored or vilified.
  Yes your right.
  As my old mom says “ I need to grow a pair of b—lls” haha.

Goosey - see the icon that says "excerpt" at the top right above the dialogue/text box? Click that and it captures the copy.

And btw...Stop giving money! It has to stop somewhere and the longer it goes on the harder it gets for the both of you. I'm sure your ex will find another "source" but if you're always there to fall back on, there's no reason for them to go searching somewhere else. You can do it! Take back your power.

[khibomsis]

So pleased you have recovered your spirit, Mermaid! Take back your power, yes.
Totally agree with you on the money issue. Only encourages them to come back for more.
Between you and me, I have done what you propose a time or two. 'Tis a sadistic pleasure, but a quiet one

[Goosey]

Goosey - see the icon that says "excerpt" at the top right above the dialogue/text box? Click that and it captures the copy.

And btw...Stop giving money! It has to stop somewhere and the longer it goes on the harder it gets for the both of you. I'm sure your ex will find another "source" but if you're always there to fall back on, there's no reason for them to go searching somewhere else. You can do it! Take back your power.

[Goosey]

Almost had the excerpt thing haha.
I find it amusing my lack of computer savvy. Drives my daughter crazy when I ask how to complete simple tasks on the computer.
  Bit thank you for the tip I think I have it (maybe).
And yes I absolutely know I have to stop caving.
Have good night to all.

[brighter future]

My boundaries are my boundaries. Unless she has kids with him, which makes it unavoidable, I'm not interested in ANY woman who maintains a relationship with a man who has had sexual intercourse with her in the past. Period. I'm not alone in that regard.

Agreed. I've never kept in contact with any of my past romantic partners, except for my BPD ex-wife with whom I have a child with. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't care if I ever talked to her again.  In my opinion, anyone that does that sort of thing is just keeping the door open for options/recycles should their current relationship sour. That is destructive/unhealthy behavior, and it's detrimental to future relationships.

I just went through that last Spring with my uBPD ex-g/f. She had an affair with her ex-b/f's identical twin brother right after she left her ex-husband. I came along 4 or so months later, and she dropped that guy like a hot potato but kept in touch with him during our relationship via social media along with several other past flames (also did this while she was married to her ex-husband). She abruptly broke up with me and immediately resumed talking to this guy along with three or 4 others from her high school days 18-20 years ago. She sent me a text one morning to rub it in my face that she'd been out on a date "with an old friend." When I asked if it was the guy that she had an affair with after she left her husband, she never denied it. Three or four weeks later, she proclaimed her love for him on social media and announced their relationship. I should have paid attention to the red flags much sooner. 

[mermaid8]

Agreed. I've never kept in contact with any of my past romantic partners, except for my BPD ex-wife with whom I have a child with. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't care if I ever talked to her again.  In my opinion, anyone that does that sort of thing is just keeping the door open for options/recycles should their current relationship sour. That is destructive/unhealthy behavior, and it's detrimental to future relationships. ]

I'm sorry that happened. It sure is hurtful and no one deserves that.

Maybe I was the naive one who thought that my "friendship" was only that on both sides. As I stated previously, I have had zero desire to revisit romantic relationship with my ex but was able to appreciate the friendship part of what we had. Maybe to him it was keeping the door open with me in case no one else comes along he saw it as a potential opportunity. I don't know... My intuition is usually pretty good but when it pertains to me it can get clouded.

I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I do believe people can be friends with those they have had in a previous relationship. I also believe it can spell trouble depending on the person.

My point again is NOT that he has a new gf! I truly wish him the very best! But, to drop me like a hot potato for someone HE HAS ONLY MET ONCE... is a real  slap in the face to someone who was a shoulder for moral support during his cancer treatments. I was not just a chat buddy on social media who exchanged a few jokes now and then. We know each other very very  well and again there was ZERO interest to rekindle anything EVER!

The point is, that I allowed myself to trust AGAIN and had the rug pulled out, the exact same, cold way he did when he ended our 3 year romantic relationship! And, this is typical BPD behavior.

My goal was to share my experience and let others know that a BPD person does not change. I should have learned but I didn't.

Let's take the focus off of his new gf. I really don't care. I hope he's happy. I hope it works with her! But it sure is juvenile behavior as a 60 year old man, to create a new facebook page, the day after we had been messaging, and find a suggestion "people you might now" appear. We are not 14... but he sure is behaving like it.

[mermaid8]

Agreed. I've never kept in contact with any of my past romantic partners, except for my BPD ex-wife with whom I have a child with. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't care if I ever talked to her again.  In my opinion, anyone that does that sort of thing is just keeping the door open for options/recycles should their current relationship sour. That is destructive/unhealthy behavior, and it's detrimental to future relationships.

I'm sorry that happened. It sure is hurtful and no one deserves that.

Maybe I was the naive one who thought that my "friendship" was only that on both sides. As I stated previously, I have had zero desire to a revisit romantic relationship with my ex but was able to appreciate the friendship part of what we had. Maybe to him it was keeping the door open with me in case no one else comes along he saw it as a potential opportunity. I don't know... My intuition is usually pretty good but when it pertains to me it can get clouded.

I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I do believe people can be friends with those they have had in a previous relationship. I also believe it can spell trouble depending on the person.

My point again is NOT that he has a new gf! I truly wish him the very best! But, to drop me like a hot potato for someone HE HAS ONLY MET ONCE... is a real  slap in the face to someone who was a shoulder for moral support during his cancer treatments. I was not just a chat buddy on social media who exchanged a few jokes now and then. We know each other very very  well and again there was ZERO interest to rekindle anything EVER!

The point is, that I allowed myself to trust AGAIN and had the rug pulled out, the exact same, cold way he did when he ended our 3 year romantic relationship! And, this is typical BPD behavior.

My goal was to share my experience and let others know that a BPD person does not change. I should have learned but I didn't.

Let's take the focus off of his new gf. I really don't care. I hope he's happy. I hope it works with her! But it sure is juvenile behavior as a 60 year old man, to create a new facebook page, the day after we had been messaging, and find a suggestion "people you might now" appear. We are not 14... but he sure is behaving like it.