Reeling I thought I was ready...

[Purplerain23]

I've read hundreds of post on this board
Did the workshops to understand the disease
Going to CoDA to work on myself
Broke off the relationship...But... I still wasn't ready

I knew even though we had broken up he didn't have the satisfaction of the discard.  We have been on  minimum contact even though he is in therapy and claiming to love me and want us to try in the future I just didn't buy it.

 I have read too many post and I thought "wow that would REALLY be the abnormal result.  What I was expecting was the same trauma of the knowledge of the quick attachment to someone else.

What I don't get is why if I was ready for it... Predicted it ...even knew when he called me in a hot tizzy accusing me of being unfaithful (that was as good as him telling me what was coming! )Why did it still hit me like a ton of bricks when it happened?

I have been happy and doing well without him and the constant drama and pain.  I dodged a bullet when I broke off the engagement.  SO why am I so angry and hurt.  I just wanted to laugh ironically and move on with all the good that's going on in my life.  It was the fact that he was flirting on the account connected to our ministry and nonprofit... he didn't realize I got the messages...I caught his   .  he had just finished blasting me for his suspicions of me dating already because I wouldn't share my plans for Friday.

I'm also upset because the person goes to my church and this is messy and ugly . I immediately shut down the Facebook page.  I don't feel mature or rational right now I wanted to make a Facebook post announcing that I was truly free from a horrible relationship and any woman wanting to pick up the trash it comes with a buyer beware.  I just don't have any compassion for him and his"disease" I think he's a horrible person and fraud!

I'm not going to do it I posted here instead...I just want to get this knot out of my chest and the dry mouth and racing heart to go away...Sorry for the vent I'm just really upset

[once removed]

i think that romantic relationships, bonding, grieving, breaking up, are more complicated than this.

i had a really hard time when i was younger when i started losing my first pets. i knew it was going to happen. i was still devastated. and i was devastated to the point that i never really wanted to have another pet again. but i have another pet again, and ive bonded with him, knowing that in about 10 years, give or take, my pet will pass, and that bond will end, and ill be devastated.

knowing that ahead of time wont make me any less devastated.

you have a complicated relationship with this person and a long history. its pretty natural to feel this way. i found that the best way for me to work through those feelings was to acknowledge that they were real.

maybe you did dodge a bullet. but it doesnt feel that way. why expect it to?

[Purplerain23]

i think that romantic relationships, bonding, grieving, breaking up, are more complicated than this.


maybe you did dodge a bullet. but it doesnt feel that way. why expect it to?

Thank you once removed . Thinking if the story you shared made me realize that I really haven’t acknowledged that I don’t know how to grieve well or accept that it will be what it will be and you’re right there was a lot invested into this relationship. I guess it’s an opportunity to not block my emotions and take the expectations off. If it wasn’t a BPD breakup I would be allowing myself to grieve the loss of the future I thought we had and the friend that I lost but because I guess I feel guilty about being in this relationship I have not been allowing myself to be sad that it’s over. It’s like if I’m sad I’m afraid of going back to him. But it’s not really like that. Even though BPD relationships are not a normal part of life grief is ...

[B53]

It sounds to me like you are doing really well under the circumstances. Grieving is a process and there are going to be ups and downs. It’s ok to be upset and angry, it’s normal.
Take care of yourself!
B53