Setting boundaries

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi
I'm new here and recently started trying to heal from long term depression. I've been good ignoring these feeling and have been coping mostly in denial. It feels good to finally be putting myself first but learning this process is not going to be easy.  I'm in my 40s so this is a long time coming. I suspect my mother has BPD. I've had the caretaker role for my family since a very young age.
As I am trying to recover from my own depression I have been struggling to set boundaries that my mom will accept. I decided I will only reply to texts or calls when I feel I am in an emotional state I can handle her. Today, I didn't feel like I was there so I ignored two texts within a one hour and 10 minute timeframe. My husband then called and let me know my mother called him to see why I didn't respond... I'm exhausted

[KassieBeth]

Hi
I'm new here and recently started trying to heal from long term depression. I've been good ignoring these feeling and have been coping mostly in denial. It feels good to finally be putting myself first but learning this process is not going to be easy.  I'm in my 40s so this is a long time coming. I suspect my mother has BPD. I've had the caretaker role for my family since a very young age.
As I am trying to recover from my own depression I have been struggling to set boundaries that my mom will accept. I decided I will only reply to texts or calls when I feel I am in an emotional state I can handle her. Today, I didn't feel like I was there so I ignored two texts within a one hour and 10 minute timeframe. My husband then called and let me know my mother called him to see why I didn't respond... I'm exhausted

[Granite Chief]

You sound like me...Then I ask myself. Why do I care so much what she thinks about my boundaries. Boundaries are to protect me and people may not like it.

[Onyx22]

Welcome 

Is your husband aware of the boundary you set? Having someone to help you enforce your boundaries can be really helpful.

I went NC with my mother a couple months ago, and it was mentally exhausting when my phone would go off. I silenced my phone and gave it to my boyfriend. Eventually I just had to block her. It was such a relief not worrying about what might show up on my phone.

If it makes sense for you, having your husband not pass along the information that she called in the future.