Please help.. Im drowning

[#determined]

 
I have a14 year old... With bpd.. Diagnosed by a health care facility in January.I know they don't usually diagnose 14 year olds but she's clearly symptomatic.. along with ptsd and conduct disorder.. I'm getting my butt kicked. Lol.
Biggest issue is the narcissistic behavior.. Theft and constant lying
Her dad is pretty much not there and does not get along with my husband bc she steals from him. Doesn't help that he has anger issues and I'm in the middle of their little war.
I have a very demanding full time job which I'm going to have to scale down so I can monitor her... We have things locked up. I need to get an alarm although I don't think she's snuck out for a while but I can't be up all night to check. She's dabbled in pot, has a15 year old boyfriend which she's sexually active

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BonnieW]

I wish I had a helpful answer for you, but all I can offer are warm virtual hugs and hope for a solution very soon.

All the very best

Bonnie

[old97]

I also wish I had words of wisdom for you. I don't. I empathize with you - the feeling of just not knowing what to do next is overwhelming.

What has maybe turned the tide in my partner's struggle with her 21 year old daughter with BPD (it's too early to tell if the tide has indeed turned, but things FEEL better in the past couple of weeks) has been boundaries and self-care. My partner ("Sue") has made a conscious effort to establish and enforce boundaries with her daughter ("Jane"). Additionally, Sue has realized that she needs to take better care of herself to effectively care for Jane. Sue has sought to stop rising to Jane's baiting, and remove herself physically (when she feels she can safely do so) from Jane's tirades and verbal/emotional abuse.

It's easier said than done. Sue has sought help from a good therapist who specializes in BPD. She has read "Stop Walking on Eggshells", as well as some of the resources available on this site. But, unfortunately, she had to reach a breaking point first. We both wish she had been able to make some of these changes before reaching the bottom, but I guess sometimes bottom has to be hit before one realizes that changes have to be (and can be) made.

If there's any way you can get ahead of this for yourself, I strongly suggest you try to do so. Read the posts here, along with the books, articles, and videos elsewhere on the site. You're not alone. Others have experienced what you are experiencing. Others are here to help, as best as we can.

[losttrust]

What helped me was a book - stop walking on eggshells - I have audio and run parts over and over to help when I need a reminder

Your diagnosis at 14 is a blessing and BPD being under age you still have the legal upper hand.  Try to use both to your advantage.  Giving zero money to BPD insures no funds to buy anything on her own. 

Setting boundaries now would be ideal (in book).   Learning how to listen to the BPD also will help.  (also in book)

[KBug]

Old97 is right.  Please, please take care of yourself first.  If you can afford it, please see a therapist who understands BPD.  Supporting someone you love who has BPD can be really hard.  Reading the books can help you understand but it really helps to have someone safe to vent to and help you problem solve. Three things that really help me are 1) understanding that her behaviors are not about me (although they impact me), 2) I don't have the power to fix this for her-it's her journey to make, and 3) mindfulness practices (for me meditation and making art).  These practices help me to detach from the drama (sometimes-I have really bad days, too, where I get sucked into the drama).