Please help me. I feel so lonely.

[KindaBttrswt]

  I'm so lonely. My girlfriend is splitting I think and is never in the mood to talk to me. We usually call and fall asleep together and it's been 4 or 5 days now and I miss her voice and her comfort and I just wanna cry because I know there's nothing I can do about it and she doesn't know what to do. She's sleeping all day despite trying not to.
I would do anything to help her but I don't know how. I've done research on different sites but it keeps coming up with breakup solutions. I don't want to break up with her; I want to help her—I'll do anything for that. I love her so much. Please help me. She doesn't want to feel pressured by how lonely and upset I am but I can't bear another moment without her here. She's almost completely cutting me off, and after a sudden 3 day visit with family too. And when she gets home I just get cut off. I'll do anything to be here for her, but I miss her so much I don't think I can handle giving her anymore space and my anxiety isn't helping me. I don't know what to do anymore please help us. She probably misses me to so I'm having a hard time understanding. She can't get meds right now and she has type 1, which is according to her, the most emotional one. She said she's going back to sleep. I guess I will too, but cry and miss our sleep calls...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

I’m assuming your girlfriend has either been diagnosed with BPD or you suspect she has it. These relationships are not easy, particularly with partners who have different needs for closeness.

Check out this article:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

[KindaBttrswt]

I’m assuming your girlfriend has either been diagnosed with BPD or you suspect she has it. These relationships are not easy, particularly with partners who have different needs for closeness.

Check out this article:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

She has been diagnosed with BPD. I'll look into the article. Thank you.

[St Jude]

Kindabttrswt,

I hear you.  It’s excruciating having someone you love be in this state, not knowing what to do for them.  People do not even understand why we stay with a person with this behavior, but I do understand because I’ve been in the trenches.

About a year and a half ago I married my partner of about 5 years who suffers from BPD.  What I can tell you about these 7 or so years together is it has been the hardest most excruciating journey filled with a lot of love and beautiful experiences.  He is someone I deeply love and admire.  When he is disregulated he is in a state of complete emotional frenzy.  It is something I avoid hitting the tripwire at all cost (much too much cost to my self which I am working on daily about my boundaries).  He has a psychiatrist, and he has improved significantly, but he lapses into a state of emotional turmoil at times, lashing out at me, breaking things, saying the most horrendous things.  It is something I am extraordinarily embarrassed about.  Feeling like if people knew this about my marriage they would think why on earth are you with this person.  And quite frankly he is intelligent enough and self aware to think the same thing.  He has said to me more than once that after I get pregnant he knows I’ll just leave him.  He says this because logically why would we stay with a person that causes us this pain?  The answer for me is that while he is in a healthy state, which thankfully is the majority of the time these days, I never get sick of him.  I truly very deeply adore him and love being with him.

  I will share with you what someone shared with me a couple of years ago that I wish I had practiced more firmly years ago.  You need to live your best life, and she’s either going to rise up and come with you, or she’s not.  Much easier said than done, but at the end of the day all we can really do is the next right thing.  I do not do this anything close to perfectly, but I try very hard to not give in to his tantrums and gaslighting.  I finally realized that if he leaves me because I’m sticking up for myself then what am I even fighting for. 

It’s one day at a time in this house, mostly good days, but many challenging days too that most people would never understand.  I understand you and just wanted to let you know and share a little part of my experience with this baffling condition.  I wish you the best.