I cry everyday, she ruined my life.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I suffer from anxiety and 3 years ago my ex came into my life and was perfect, I saw a lot of red flags but I chose to ignore them because I finally felt free.. the relationship was dysfunctional but I was in love with her.. a year ago she broke up with me, left and became the meanest coldest person I’ve ever met.. I was left devastated not understanding why she stopped loving me, it felt like I was falling deeper while she was falling out of love.. I wanted answers but I got nothing, I would contact her but no reply then every once in a while she’ll come back and act like everything is fine and will leave again, about 2 months ago she came back and I resisted but eventually I gave in, she wanted us to spend some time together get a hotel, I said no we met up and had sex, then she would message me everyday to see her.. eventually she became the cold heartless person and now she has me replaced with another man, I think they had a problem and used me to fill the void till they reconciled, when I found out she replaced me it absolutely tore me in 2, I found this out a few days ago. I just don’t understand why she did this to me.. I tend to dwell on things but I reached the lowest I’ve ever been, truly rock bottom.. I don’t know who he is but all I can think about is what’s wrong with me? Why was I so easily replaced.. while I’m left here heart broken and can’t imagine being with another girl because all I do is compare the girls with her.. I feel so betrayed and hurt, all I can do is replay everything we used to do but it’s her with her new boyfriend. I’m devastated.

[Ynwa77]

I suffer from anxiety and 3 years ago my ex came into my life and was perfect, I saw a lot of red flags but I chose to ignore them because I finally felt free.. the relationship was dysfunctional but I was in love with her.. a year ago she broke up with me, left and became the meanest coldest person I’ve ever met.. I was left devastated not understanding why she stopped loving me, it felt like I was falling deeper while she was falling out of love.. I wanted answers but I got nothing, I would contact her but no reply then every once in a while she’ll come back and act like everything is fine and will leave again, about 2 months ago she came back and I resisted but eventually I gave in, she wanted us to spend some time together get a hotel, I said no we met up and had sex, then she would message me everyday to see her.. eventually she became the cold heartless person and now she has me replaced with another man, I think they had a problem and used me to fill the void till they reconciled, when I found out she replaced me it absolutely tore me in 2, I found this out a few days ago. I just don’t understand why she did this to me.. I tend to dwell on things but I reached the lowest I’ve ever been, truly rock bottom.. I don’t know who he is but all I can think about is what’s wrong with me? Why was I so easily replaced.. while I’m left here heart broken and can’t imagine being with another girl because all I do is compare the girls with her.. I feel so betrayed and hurt, all I can do is replay everything we used to do but it’s her with her new boyfriend. I’m devastated.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Ynwa77, What makes you think your Ex suffers from BPD?  Fill us in, when you can.   As long as you regard yourself as her victim, you're likely to be miserable.  What proactive steps can you take to get yourself back on track?  You have more power here than you think!

LuckyJim

[Ynwa77]

She didn’t have any respect for boundaries, she used to beg me not to leave her. There is a lot of signs that I don’t my therapist and he is the one who told me it sounds like she has borderline personality disorder and ever since then I realised the signs were so clear.

[B53]

Ynwa77

I am so sorry that you are in such pain! If she is  BPD, then it's not really about you. It isn't as personal as it feels. She will do to him, what she did to you.

If you are at rock bottom, then the only way left to go is up and the good people on this site are here to help you pick up the pieces. There are many people who have been where you are and understand how you feel. Know that you are not alone.

B53

[Upandown]

Ynwa77.  You are/were the victim.  You received the abuse.  It is personal.  A person did these things to another person.  Doesn't matter what their illness is.  Or what their level of awareness is.  This is the truth - and the truth will set you free.  Much faster and better than to pretend you were not the victim and it was not personal.  You can feel better partly by learning more about their behavior patterns and their disorder. 

[B53]

Upandown,
You took what I wrote out of context. When I said it wasn’t personal, I meant that he personally did nothing to deserve how she treated him.  She will do the same to whoever she is with and unfortunately, he most likely will be, one of many. The pain he is feeling, of course is personal, he was abused and he is a victim. We are all on this site because we have felt the pain of trying to love someone with BPD. The pain can be unbearable. The people here will do their best to help get you through it. We have all, are/have been there.
B53

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Ynwa77, I 'm going to repeat the question I posed above:

What proactive steps can you take to get yourself back on track?  You have more power here than you think!

Nicely said, B53:

We are all on this site because we have felt the pain of trying to love someone with BPD. The pain can be unbearable. The people here will do their best to help get you through it. We have all, are/have been there.

Yes, we have all experienced the pain, which is not fun.  On a more hopeful note, going through the BPD wringer leads to greater happiness, in my view.

LJ

[Upandown]

B53
I understand the repetitive nature of their behavior that you were pointing out.  And that can be a help to recognize.  It was for me too.  It was also beneficial for me to be angry and take it personally. 

[B53]

Und,
Believe me, I have those angry moments, but what I realize is, that I have the ability to work on myself, heal and hopefully have a fulfilling relationship with someone else. Not always, but most of the time, theirs is a life sentence.
B53