My ex partner with BPD just broke up with me

[Bella28]

Hi

I really need help right now

[khibomsis]

  Bella, and welcome to the family! What's up? I am sorry you are going through this, but we are here to help. Do you want to tell us more about your situation?

[Bella28]

Hi
I really need help right now
I went from being everything to him to being nothing within a matter of days. We had an argument and he wanted a few days to himself and just sent small texts such as hi and how are you. We were supposed to do something for my birthday and I messaged him a few days before to ask if that was still happening and he said yes but he needed to talk to me first. He rang me and said he was moving away and wouldn’t be back and that things are over

[khibomsis]

Dear Bella, being ghosted is awful. Simply awful. My thoughts are with you as you go through this terrible time.

Do you want to tell us more about the events that led up to this?

Indeed you are on the right track. All you need to do is get through it, one day at a time. Focus on yourself. Eat healthily, work out, do mindfulness work. Call friends and family and do something special for yourself. With time you will heal. Before you know it the weekend will be past and you will have survived your first weekend.

I don't know how much you have read about BPD. Is he diagnosed? If you know how the disease impacts, you will know this is not about you. He is overwhelmed and  running away from his feelings right now. You are the victim of that internal war. In time you will realize you dodged a bullet. Do you really want somebody in your life who would treat you like this?

Arm yourself with knowledge, it helps to strengthen you. Here is something to get you started: https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf
 

[Bella28]

Thank you for the reply
I had felt him pulling away for a few weeks. He is currently Changing medication and getting therapy so there was good days and bad days. He was talking about thinks that hadn’t happened with us and it was very confusing. If I got upset or anxious about anything he would get up and go and say he would need time out but that he would be back and he would never leave but here we are , he’s leaving and moving away. The guy I meant at the first two months of our relationship isn’t the same guy I see now. He would of done anything for me as the same as would for him but now it’s like I’m nothing. He was making plans to start a business (he had a few ideas for different ones and it kept changing) he was getting a car sorted, applying for new jobs etc things would change overnight as to what he was doing and now he’s decided to go to another place to live

[Bella28]

Yes sorry he is diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. He was only diagnosed in the last 6 months and has tried to end his life during that time too. I never wanted it to end and I want to still be with him

[Shaken54]

Bella sorry your going through this, Its so difficult dealing with pwbpd. They in the beginning make us feel like we have met our soulmate so to speak. I am going through a breakup too 3.5 years together and she left after starting a argument with me over something so petty. It catches you off guard you ask yourself what did I do wrong, the thing is you didn't do anything wrong. See its almost plays out like a script for all of them they idealized us then when they get triggered the devaluation phase begins lots of push pull. then finally the discard that's why when we look back we can notice how they were withdrawing, getting cold towards us.

Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do to stop the cycle it will happen with us and with whoever they go to next. I have been NC for a month and a half and I had a weak moment today and looked at her social media. I see it appears she is in a relationship and in the idealization phase with the new guy. But I know how this story plays out and ends, trust me its the same way it did with us.

Bella we can not fix these people, no one can sure they can go to years of DBT therapy and put in the hard work but even that does not guarantee success. These people are toxic and its best if they move on from us, sure its hard I know exactly how you feel I am going through it too.

Ask yourself do you  really want someone so cold and uncaring, see the person we fell in love with was not real it was mirroring for our benefit. The person you see now is the real person not that person from the start.
They can only put on that mask for so long before the real person shows themselves.
You can get through this, cry if you need too, research bpd its helpful do your best to go NC its hard I know, you will have weak moments like I did today but that's because you have a caring loving soul and you love your ex. Unfortunately they are unable to love like we do they operate in another reality.

Hope you feel better soon and keep your chin up you will get through this.

[khibomsis]

Dear Bella, how are you? I hope the weekend went ok!
It sounds to me as if you are still undecided about whether you want to take steps to get back together again or whether you want to detach. If the former, you might find the Bettering board a better fit.