Hi, pacifica12, and welcome!
I'm sorry to hear about the pain you are experiencing due to your family member's BPD behaviors. Mood swings and
splitting can feel very confusing. Can you tell us a little more about your relationship with this new family member? Are they an in-law?
We are here for you and understand what it's like having a family member with this disorder. You are not alone in your feelings of hopelessness and vulnerability, and you're not alone on the path to feeling centered and prepared to handle the challenges. You mentioned triangulation, so you may already be familiar with the
Karpman Drama Triangle, but that article has some good tips on how to step out of the triangle into a neutral center and stay there.
One of the most helpful workshops for me on this site was
Radical Acceptance for Family Members. It helped me see that I needed to let go of the idea that my mother could or should behave like someone without BPD and accept that she should behave like someone with BPD, because she
is someone with BPD. She is not someone else. That opened the door for me to understand on a feelings level that her behaviors aren't about me, and that I needed to learn healthy boundaries. As human beings, we are wired for connection, so there's nothing wrong with having a desire to connect with family members. But when there is disordered behavior in a family, we need to have
boundaries that reflect our values and adjust our expectations to the limitations on the connection.
Would you like to tell us a little more about the kinds of personal attacks you are experiencing? Is it affecting your relationships with other members of your family?
