Leaving the family business

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I was always the good boy, the constant soldier and for more than a decade I worked in my family's business. I was never really happy and had lots of conflict with a sibling, we both decided we did not want to work together. I left the business, but in the process my mother reacted and said that he was the hardworker and I was the slacker. That he was sharp, I was too emotional.

All my future plans where always questioned and put in doubt. I felt miserable, and started to distance myself. I even moved to another country, but always there was criticism and disdain. I felt that my parents had turned their back on me. I tried to find faults with myself, and this shattered my self confidence. I have auto-sabotaged my search for new jobs and have procastinated in staring a new business.

Only a couple of days ago I started exploring why was my relationship with my mother soo Toxic. It was there where I understood what BPD was, and have read a number of books in a couple of weeks. This has been an earth shattering moment for me, since it has changed my whole point of view from my life.

Now I understand that my mothers view of the world is distorted by her BDP and I am processing how this has happened all my life. It also has helped me to understand my family dynamic, and the more important issue...

That I am not flawed, no matter how many times they have told me so. That my point of view of life, can not be based on my mothers point of view of life since it is like trying to build on quick sand.

I am not alone, and it is a relief knowing that there is a community of persons with these feelings and relationships gives me strength to move forward, and treat my mother with the empathy and compassion she deserves, but also with a strategy for protecting myself.

[Bluesky007]

I was always the good boy, the constant soldier and for more than a decade I worked in my family's business. I was never really happy and had lots of conflict with a sibling, we both decided we did not want to work together. I left the business, but in the process my mother reacted and said that he was the hardworker and I was the slacker. That he was sharp, I was too emotional.

All my future plans where always questioned and put in doubt. I felt miserable, and started to distance myself. I even moved to another country, but always there was criticism and disdain. I felt that my parents had turned their back on me. I tried to find faults with myself, and this shattered my self confidence. I have auto-sabotaged my search for new jobs and have procastinated in staring a new business.

Only a couple of days ago I started exploring why was my relationship with my mother soo Toxic. It was there where I understood what BPD was, and have read a number of books in a couple of weeks. This has been an earth shattering moment for me, since it has changed my whole point of view from my life.

Now I understand that my mothers view of the world is distorted by her BDP and I am processing how this has happened all my life. It also has helped me to understand my family dynamic, and the more important issue...

That I am not flawed, no matter how many times they have told me so. That my point of view of life, can not be based on my mothers point of view of life since it is like trying to build on quick sand.

I am not alone, and it is a relief knowing that there is a community of persons with these feelings and relationships gives me strength to move forward, and treat my mother with the empathy and compassion she deserves, but also with a strategy for protecting myself.

[P.F.Change]

  Hi there, Bluesky007, and welcome!

Thanks for sharing a little bit about your story. You are right that you are not alone, and we're glad you are here. I'm sorry you felt abandoned by your parents when you left the family business. That sounds very difficult. How encouraging that you are learning to hold your own perspective and to do so with empathy. We will be happy to help you walk that road.

You may have already had a look at some of our Lessons for this board. The Splitting behavior you described in which your mother idealized your brother and devalued you is quite common with BPD. It can be a lot to take in all at once, but I'm glad you are finding information that is helpful to you. Have you ever sought out therapeutic support to help you work through all of the complicated feelings that come with a family like this?