Romantic partner has disappeared again

[Chewingonfritos]

I met my partner (who has borderline personality disorder) a year ago and we instantly hit it off. We are romantic with each other but haven't made things official yet due to his fear of being too unstable around me. In July he suddenly up and left all social media accounts for two months after becoming really unstable. He completely isolated himself for a while and eventually came back, apologizing and asking to take things slow. Recently after planning to spend valentine's day together he told me he really appreciates me and feels badly for not being around a lot (he's very busy and gets stressed easily). But he's disappeared again and it's been five weeks since we last spoke. I've tried to get in contact with him but every attempt has failed. We both mutually love each other and I don't want to just leave him but I'm miserable without him. So I sent him a text saying (very nicely) that he can't keep picking up and leaving me or else I'm going to have to permanently leave him. I'm not sure if this was the right call or what else I can do? I'm riddled with scared thoughts that he won't come back this time, that he'll find someone else or that he'll want to completely disassociate with me for some reason.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

This retreating seems to be a pattern with him. Can you imaging accepting that as part of your relationship? If not, this article might give you some thoughts about how things have gotten to this point. 

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[Mr. Kelly]

Hi there…

My situation is a lot like yours. I’ve known my girlfriend for a year and a half, and she has split and left probably eight or 10 times. The longest was three weeks, the shortest was 3 to 5 days.

So, I get it. What the heck to do?

It’s only been five days of no contact, but she texted me the day after she left telling me it was all my fault, same old same old, nasty nasty… But without a definitive statement that she was done. Implied as much, but not a definitive statement.

I called her and left a text this morning, just to check in, and I was a bit hopeful I would hear from her, but I haven’t. I suspect I am being punished for bad behavior. Or broken up with because she just has lost faith that I won’t hurt her.

I’ve never done anything major to hurt her, other than to snap at her a couple of times, or challenge her politics briefly in front of her friends. That was pretty much it. She calls it lack of respect for her opinions.  Geeze.

She even wrote really obvious damaging Memes on Facebook that were very hurtful.

So… You and I sit together… Waiting the fate of people we care about. Having no idea whether we will see them again. Wondering what it will be like to move on. Not wanting to because we valued what they brought to our lives. It just sucks. No other way to say it.

[Mr. Kelly]

Any updates?

Have you heard from him?