Is she capable of love?

[DAnon]

Is it possible that someone w BPD/traits of NPD is incapable of love as she admitted to me? Is it possible to overcome such a thing?

She tells me she loves me. Then she asked me what it felt like to truly love someone. Is it possible that someone is incapable of love? Is it possible to overcome such a thing through therapy?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

i think you will tend to hear these sorts of wild swings in thought, philosophy, romance, requited love, when a person struggles, fundamentally, with who they are.

i rarely say this, but these are not necessarily statements i would take at face value so much as i would try to understand what shes really saying.

whats the context here? what happened between the two of you?

[DAnon]

We were friends and then I fell for her.

We had a good relationship for 4 years but her past is enough to terrorize any person. I never felt threatened by it even though it has long term consequences and has made her life and that of those closest to her miserable.

She told me she loved me. But laying in my lap one day she asks me “What does it feel like to truly love someone?” I said you have a child (ignoring the fact for a moment that she tells me she loves me) how do you feel about her? She responded: “she is me”.

When she broke up with me she was like “you found me out, you discovered my secret, I don’t love anyone.”  I just wanted to know why I would receive blank cards from her with no words expressing her love and other things that seemed oddly absent or that there were periods when she would be completely cold and other times be so over the top in saying things it felt disingenuous much like when she would discover something I like and then use it or bring it up often knowing it was a way to keep me interested, like talking about having a baby even though before that she would say “I don’t hate it” but as soon as she knew my interest she would dangle it and talk about it.

She always wanted things both ways, so you could never tell what is true or real. If she is saying something particularly ahead of time it means she is likely going to do the opposite. If she says she wants this and then she will be off doing the opposite. I don’t know it is worth knowing the answer to this question for me but it is hard to think she will go through the rest of her life like this that even if she left me I feel like I am abandoning her somehow.