I was posting around trying to figure out what’s happening in my life currently. I assumed that my ex was bipolar. And I was told by someone to look into BPD as that is what it sounded like - and I found this website.
I (29F) and my now ex (38M) just recently broke up. And. I’m just trying to understand what the hell happened honestly.
We had been together for four years. Extremely tumultuous. I myself am not perfect. I have PTSD from a prior domestic violence relationship. I’m in therapy. Have been for two years. And I’m on medication. And doing fairly well. I’m a full time student. Will be graduating soon. Looking into PHD programs. And a single mother. My partner was a server and bartender. As covid hit he permanently lost his job. Had to move back to another city where his family lives and move in with them. He hasn’t. Really. Tried to find work during Covid. And just recently started trimming with his friends. He has no college education. - just some background.
The most recent fight and what caused the breakup. Which. Is something that happens fairly often between us (this type of issue)
Last weekend he was supposed to take my son and I out. Or. Accompany us really as I paid. And the night before he took a 7 hour “nap” after drinking too much and smoking all day. And long story short. Couldn’t go back to sleep. Didn’t want to drive all that way. And didn’t come.
I got incredibly upset. And told him he’s lucky I didn’t tell my son or else I’d rip him a new one (my son is autistic and therefore really needs a routine and if plans are made - they’re expected to be followed or he has a meltdown).
My partner immediately started screaming at me and cussing me out. “You and your f***ing attitude I swear to god dude you are such a bitch. You’re so f***ing immature and annoying. You act like I did this s**t on purpose and still I try to tell you I’ll come and do something else with him and you’re STILL a f***ing bitch and not satisfied. Who do you think you are. You aren’t my wife. That’s not my kid. I don’t have an obligation to take either of you out. Why the f*** are you even disappointed and angry dude it’s not like I have to be there. Your attitude f***ing sucks and it’s ruining this relationship i swear to god dude and you’re in therapy and on meds and you’re still f***ing crazy holy s**t. You don’t see how selfish you sound? Seriously? You want me to get in my car. Sleep deprived. And drive hours and risk getting into a car accident and dying just so I can take you. And your kid. To the F***ING ZOO. F*** OFF” - more or less
Anyways long story short continued to fight for a few days and finally. He broke up with me.
The day before this. And day of actually. We were making plans to discuss where the three of us were going to move to once I start grad school. I was the most perfect partner. He was so glad I was in his life. So thankful for me and my son. So excited for our future. We were meant to be together. That night/next day I was the worst person ever. Bringing him down. The only issue in his life. He can’t imagine why anyone would ever want me.
Typical ^ one day he loves me and I’m perfect. The next day he wishes we never met.
And all of these issues are me. Per him. I am crazy. I am insecure. Jealous. Selfish. Immature. Annoying. Worst attitude on the planet. And it’s never on him. He has said that word for word. None of this is his fault. It’s all on me.
* now. I can take responsibility for myself. And I will tell you I am not a perfect spouse. And I have been erratic during arguments. Cried a little too much. etc. but I know. It’s not just me.
But the way he talked to me. Just broke my soul. I have been with him for four years. And every time we fight he gets nastier and nastier and it seems to just be so. Quick. I love you. You’re a bitch and I never want to see you again. In the same day.
His family has a history of substance abuse and mental disorders. His mother is bipolar. And I think I mentioned he’s a heavy drinker (more so in the last year or two), smokes weed daily, and occasionally does drugs.
From what I said here. And I realize it’s not much but. Does this sound like BPD? And. I realize how bad it sounds but: is it wrong of me to want to make it work. I said that I wanted to not be together. And implored him to seek therapy. But. I also said I hope if we get ourselves together separately that we could make it work in the future - is this something that is even possible if he does have this? Again I’m not saying he does or doesn’t I’m clearly not a medical professional. I just wanted some general advice I guess. I’ve been feeling pretty awful. And just needed some real guidance. Thank you.
* the last time we talked he stated that he thinks if we get our stuff together there is “hope for us in the future” and that he loves me very much and doesn’t want us to be “a**holes to each other”
