Fake

[Wanderer427]

To realise you have been with a human without no emotions, that is completely empty inside.
Everything they say is just WORDS. It doesent mean anything.
Its all fake fake fake.
Their intelligence is almost always learned from books.
For example how to raise a child. All learned from books. She actually told me this...

Poor children... Hope their dad knows what he must do to protect them. I pray for him.
It's like she has no experience at all about LIFE.
How to behave, how to put herself in others shoes you know..
It's just total emptiness...Nothing.
Only context from a book, rationality, cold facts.
Only complete ego. Its always about her, no matter what.

To realise I understand that she will never ever get under my skin again.
I will give her no energy, no sex, no emotions, no help.
Just a "politically correct" answer if she ask of something...

To realise you cannot help her. At all.
There is ONLY therapy that could possibly help a little bit maybe. And in the process most likely would have hurt the therapist aswell.
To realise she actually made me believe she was innocent of the horrible crime she did in her youth. Was imprisoned for many years, and came out as religious and good to all... It's all fake...a lie.
The always on smile. Always put up her mask. The smiling mask as if nothing in the world is wrong.
She even told me she cant stand people with a mask.

Now In all this, I will be strong. I will find my inner light. Back to the calmness of my mind.
The happiness.
She will not.
She will forever be in her own little hell. I pity her for she does not understand, and will repeat her mistakes forever.
She reminds me of a robot...A real life Artificial Intelligence.

I will be honest with my self and realise I have gone a very wrong path in life.
But my mind, my friends, my family has corrected this, and its OK.
Its OK to be angry. Its OK to laugh at it, and its OK to find real love again in another woman.

Anyone else realising all this?
am I the mad one?
Am I on the right path?

[Cromwell]

Hey again Wanderer

Yes it is good to hear you have goals also, new relationship and still open to love again, trust etc.

There is a general pathway here: to fit our situations, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=138154.0

mad people dont question if they are mad so dont worry about that one!

depression can be confused with being "the mad one", It goes a way. Can I ask why do you think you are the mad one though? were you ever made to feel as if you were?

When feel angry, acknowledge it, tired, the same, confusion etc - I agree with you, and well said!

I believe this another step forward Wanderer.

Getting trust back, sharing how you feel, have someone listen with empathy, relate. Maybe a lot of progress, Id like to thank you for a very positive post that will no doubt help many others on their paths also. Not seen any individual pull that off "overnight cure" but more common is a path of a thousand steps. Some days might stay in bed and not feel like steps - those were important for me too, still counts as healing. Anyway, its good to hear from you and thanks again for sharing.

Best wishes

Crom

[B53]

Wanderer

I understand exactly how you feel. I have been questioning whether I was loved also. BPD is an attachment disorder. I would like to believe he loved me, because the thought that he didn’t, is heartbreaking.

Try to take care of yourself!

B53

[Wanderer427]

Cromwell, Hi, thanks for the reply.
Yes well, she told me that I was the one with the problems.
That I had low self-confidence, no boundaries, and was jealous.
I have good boundaries, (there is absolutely no boundaries in this kind of relationship) maybe a little low self-confidence, and I was never jealous in the relationship.
Had no reason to doubt her, but since I questioned her contact with one of her X'es, once, I was jealous in her eyes ;-)
So I dont know.. she tried to make me the bad one.
I guess this was her freecard out of it? Shift the blame, right?

One thing I'd like to ask.. :
Do you think adult people with BPD, or with narcissistic tendencies are aware of what they are doing mentally to people around them? I believe they are. All the time.

B53: I am 99% sure they didnt love us. Sorry to say it, but I just can't find any other reason.
We where just a tool to further their real agenda.
In my case: Become a good stepdad, buy a house near their school and so on..Economic advantage you know..

[Crispy Waffle]

Am I on the right path?

Wanderer, you are absolutely on the right path. You have insight and awareness, and you realize that you must find and follow a path in order to find a different outcome. That alone demonstrates that you are not fundamentally the one with the problem. That is not to say that you didn't contribute to them; we all do. We all bring our own messiness to any relationship. But again, you demonstrate that awareness.

The rest of what you wrote is right out of the BPD/NPD script. Seriously, it is as if they operate from a script. What you wrote reflects so much of what we all experience. And indeed, you have no idea what is real, because they themselves don't know what is real. They have a very broken sense of self. They exist with an external locus of control. They are often chameleons, changing to become what they believe others think they should be. Or wanting to change us into what they think they want us to be. But even that can change by the day.

As for love; I don't know what they feel. High-functioning BPD/NPDs can feel love, but it is often transitory, and waxes and wanes as they engage in splitting and discarding. Again, they aren't rooted in reality, have no love of self, and are emotionally adrift, yet driven by emotions and "feelings", often extreme.

Look inwardly to address what you need to with respect to your own issues. Be honest with yourself and let go of any shame, guilt, etc. that may hold you back. Give yourself permission to own your shortcomings and vow to work on them, incrementally. It can be incredibly liberating; I spoke with both of my daughters in the middle of my separation, sharing with them my shortcomings as a parent, and as a person generally, and told them how I wanted to be a better dad going forward. I apologized for the things in the past that were damaging to my relationship with them. It was like unloading a burden, and my relationship with both improved greatly. I have to keep working at that. I have to make the active decision to do that, and to correct myself when I backslide.

Chart your path, and follow it. It doesn't happen overnight, but there are breakthroughs that literally happen in an instant.

[Cromwell]

Wanderer,

yes I believe they know what they are doing is wrong (people with personality disorders)

Do you think adult people with BPD, or with narcissistic tendencies are aware of what they are doing mentally to people around them? I believe they are. All the time.

but not wrong to "people" but to "objects".

If that is confusing to get the head around, thats also a good sign. confusion is a sign of being healthy in the midst of what is serious illness and complex disorders.

it is not about lack of emotion, or "no" empathy, it is wiring is all over the place leading to inappropiate.

how are you feeling with some distance space and time Wanderer? any positives yet?

[crushedagain]

When I look back on my BPDexgf, I think she's a total phony. I don't believe any of her "love" was real. She's a total fraud and a user. That's who these people are.