Parents enable my BPD brother

[Cait]

I come to this board on a particularly low day, feeling upset that the situation with my brother is unlikely to change because he is enabled by my parents at every turn.

My brother is almost 30 and has never been able to hold down a job for more than 3 months. He relies on my parents for everything financially (car, apt, etc) and also emotionally. He calls them and demands to talk for hours on end, blaming them for all the problems in his life. Although I know he suffers from BPD, it really feels as though he uses his pain to control others. My parents have no boundaries with him and believe a lot of what my brother tells them, unable to see the situation objectively.

My brother was recently hospitalized for over a week after making suicidal and homicidal threats while abusing medication. I believe he really needs intensive help, and although my parents agree, they never hold my brother to any boundaries or accountability that would actually get him to seek help. For as long as he has them to release his pain onto, he does not see a need DBT or any other treatment. It's awful to watch.

Thanks for listening. It's just frustrating how this illness works to manipulate not only the thoughts of the person suffering from BPD, but everyone else who is caught in their web.

[Methuen]

I believe he really needs intensive help, and although my parents agree, they never hold my brother to any boundaries or accountability that would actually get him to seek help.

At this point, I'm thinking your best strategy is to focus on that the fact that what your brother and your parents do is outside your control, and the only thing you can control is how you react to them.  Try to focus on your own well-being and surround yourself with positive people (friends).

Welcome to the community.

[pursuingJoy]

Thanks for sharing! We get how frustrating it can be to want something better and feel so powerless in achieving it. So much of BPD is outside our control.

I hope, like Methuen said, that you're finding ways to take care of yourself.