Rose123
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 3
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« on: April 04, 2021, 05:55:43 AM » |
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Dear forum readers,
I'm not quite sure where to post my post, as it doesn't fit in one of the suggested topics.
X time ago, I started working a new job. As time passed by, my boss and I had personal conversations more and more. She and I opened up more and more about personal stuff. Our family backgrounds were (quite) similar. We both went through a lot during our childhoods.
One moment, she mailed me she was having a hard time. After her e-mail, in which she talked about it, she asked if she could call me, about work things, but also about private things. I allowed. We had a deep conversation and afterwards she texted me with the proposal to 'grab a pint together'. That was when our friendship began.
We went for dinner together, we had walks, we called a lot, etc.
One evening, all went wrong. That evening we were in a little company and I 'said something wrong' (which I didn't know at the time). A couple of weeks (2-3) went by, without me noticing her grief/sadness/anger (?). As suddenly, I received an e-mail from her, stating me being a person who makes fun of people in public, playing mental power games, lashing out at others a lot, etc. and that she only wanted to have a professional relationship and that she didn't want to be friends anymore.
I didn't understand at all, because I didn't notice the evening itself that I'd done 'something wrong'. It was a pleasant evening, with laughter etc. and I even got a postcard (before 'I said something wrong'), stating how much I mean to her and a text message from her afterwards stating 'how a nice evening it was' and 'how pleasant company I had been'.
After receiving the e-mail, I was very sad and cried a lot. It's difficult for me to cope with loss of connection (and I also suffer from fear of abondennement). Moreover I couldn't get away from her (literally), because she's my boss and I really like the job I'm doing.
The evening after she sent the e-mail, I received a phonecall, in which she said 'she meaby didn't want to completely block me', 'that I do have empathy' and with a question to me 'to give her time'. I didn't react, because I was still too sad about the mail I got the evening before. Afterwards, after a week, I received a text message from her, asking me how I was doing. I answered 'grey-rocky'/dryly. Except from that message, there was no communication between us.
A couple of weeks ago I ran into her at work. After saying hi, she closed her door to me (litterally), but I couldn't bear the loss of connection anymore and walked into her office. We talked for about an hour, most of the time I cried. During that conversation she told me she'd still thought about our friendship, she'd wondered how I was doing, she'd thought about me probably not understanding, first getting a post card stating how much I mean to her, and a few days later receiving an email discarding me. After that statement, I cried even more. She touched me in what I felt: confusion and not understanding (at all).
She also told me she wanted to set boundaries, which came across to me as 'not letting me in anymore, emotionally'. It came across as she, form her side, not wanted to talk about personal matters anymore. Of course I understand. Being a boss, it's difficult to have a subordinate as a friend.
But, confusion again: she continued with saying I always could (video)call her when I wanted to talk. In the evening, after work. But that doesn't work for me, making me vulnerable, if the other no longer wants to do that himself. So I tried to cope with the situation myself and didn't call.
Suddenly, two weeks later, I received a text, in the evening, 'hi, are u feeling better? I hope so'. I couldn't stand answering and said 'I'm feeling better' and that I was hoping she's doing ok. I ended with that 'I'd actually like to have a conversation with her, in a quiet way, in a quiet place.' She answered she was in for a talk and that she was doing fairly good. As far as possible. I didn't elaborate on the personal undertone of her message, because that exactly was what I thought she no longer wants.
I feel like I'm tossed around. It seems like there are double messages. I just try to understand what's happening. I never dealt with a situation like that before. It is to say: having a good friend, who suddenly discards me and afterwards crawls back.
How do u guys cope (or would cope) with situations like that?
Regards
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