Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 06:33:24 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Looking for advice/help/suggestions, or any other synonym that works.
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Looking for advice/help/suggestions, or any other synonym that works. (Read 422 times)
Shoes2000
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1
Looking for advice/help/suggestions, or any other synonym that works.
«
on:
April 05, 2021, 12:56:19 PM »
Hello,
My wife has a number of emotional/psychological/physical issues for most of her life. When we got married, I knew some of it (my knowledge of the history of abuse has grown through the years), and thought I could handle it.
Here is a probably incomplete list:
- PTSD from sexual abuse (the list of abusers has grown over the years as she remembers them)
- acute anxiety/panic attacks
- clinical depression
- epilepsy
- Functional Neurological Symptom Disorder
- Possible Dissociative Personality Disorder
Because of seizures she has been home-bound for better than 7 years (imagine all the quarantine mental issues going on now, but multiply by 7). She has pushed away her siblings and kids (grown) with her anger/sadness/suicidal behaviors. She is currently in therapy for Dissociative Personality Disorder, PTSD, Panic, and Depression.
The kids are in therapy because of it. One of their therapists said that it looked like we were dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder, and suggested that she read "Stop Walking on Eggshells". She told me about the book, I read it, and yes, it does describe my wife. Black and White ways of thinking... If you don't agree with her, you are against her... Feelings are facts... Suicidal thoughts and expressions... Immediate mood swings, mid conversation... Heavy medicinal herbal use... Missing time, just to name a few.
At first I thought she was bi-polar, and said so to her... BIG MISTAKE!
I have said nothing about BPD, or the book, or the kids thoughts to her. I have tried using some of the techniques suggested, and they might work 20% of the time. She has had enough therapy over the years to see through a lot of it and she is whip-smart.
She is a very emotional person with incredible empathic abilities (Human lie detector, and a very good one). She is very much on the "feeler" scale (MBTI = INFJ). I am NOT a feeler (MBTI = INTP-A), and that often gets me in trouble with her because we just can't see where the other is coming from.
She knows something is afoot because I have changed my tactics some (per the eggshells), and this has made our relationship even worse. I don't know who I am waking up to... I have to sit in the car for a few minutes after work to prepare myself for, who knows what? It is taking a toll on me. I have MY first therapy session in a couple of weeks, but I fear it might just be too late.
Help?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501
Re: Looking for advice/help/suggestions, or any other synonym that works.
«
Reply #1 on:
April 05, 2021, 03:53:28 PM »
Therapy for you is an outstanding idea. It’s so stressful to be in a relationship with a BPD spouse.
Yes, I’m also married to a spouse who is very attuned to feelings. I’m an INTJ and he’s an INFP. When I first began using some of the tools we teach here, he was very attuned to the verbal patterns and mocked and mimicked me. But over time, I’ve learned to integrate them and use them in my own language and now he doesn’t even notice.
One of the easiest things to do, which is subtle, but has a big impact on reducing the conflict is to learn not to invalidate. Here’s a helpful article:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
pursuingJoy
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Posts: 1389
Re: Looking for advice/help/suggestions, or any other synonym that works.
«
Reply #2 on:
April 05, 2021, 04:30:08 PM »
Shoes2000, it's never too late to start healing. Counseling may be a great resource for you, provided you find a good one! It can be really exhausting to be in a relationship with pwBPD so it's really important for us nons to be intentional about taking care of ourselves and finding support.
I second the link Cat Familiar shared - definitely check it out and let us know what you think!
pj
Logged
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Looking for advice/help/suggestions, or any other synonym that works.
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...