Hi Sheisinthere,
I wonder if there is some particular aspect of her personality, that they observed when she was in the in-patient program. Maybe something she hides from you?
Like with my Mom she is not suicidal and never has been that I know of. So, you might think "not BPD." But after reading about the different types, I found this and it jumped off the page, cause my Mom definetly believes she has special powers.
"Unusual beliefs and experiences Belief that one has unusual abilities, such as mindreading, telekinesis, thought-action fusion, unusual experiences of reality, including hallucination-like experiences."
Once, I managed to get her into therapy with all my siblings, and my sister happened to be pregnant at the time, and my Mom walked out because she stated "I know the [unborn] baby can hear us and this is not healthy for it."
grrrrr
The special powers thing is used only to get out of uncomfortable situations, I have found.
Does your daughter have maybe something unique like that? I agree that the being polite doesn't go with the disorder, in my experience.
b