I have no idea what to do about my sister

[Em9321]

I have made other posts about my sister, but i'm really in need of some advice right now. A quick recap: My older sister has never been diagnosed with BPD but i am 100% certain she has it. Her outbursts have been terrifying since i was a child (smashing her head into metal water bottles, putting her foot through a windshield, shoving me into traffic, kicking my mom, telling us to bring her to the Golden Gate so she can jump off etc...). That has been going on my entire life. My parents enable her because obviously they don't know what to do, and now she is 27 years old still living at home with my parents. The latest outburst came when I told her I was moving in with my boyfriend of 7 years. She flipped out. Crying, screaming through the crack of my locked door, telling me he's a loser, that I hate the family, I'll never seen our dog and cat again etc. It is what it is at this point... However, we went about three weeks not talking. Completely ignoring and avoiding each other. Which was honestly fine for me but filled me with extreme anxiety just walking through the door. Now here's where i have no idea what to do. Today she came in and gives me a certificate for facials so we can get them done together. Obviously i don't take them and don't accept them. She doesn't apologize for how she reacted to me telling her I'm moving away and just expects me to be fine again. I tell her I'm not over the situation and that it really hurt me and how she has traumatized me over the years and how I don't reset every time she has an outburst. She tells me that I have always been horrible to her and traumatized her over the years. I tell her I'm sorry and ask her to give me examples, she can't. She tells me to give her examples so i list them out (see all examples above). She then walks away and we haven't talked since. I don't know how to act. I really don't. I'm upset, i'm sad, and my parents don't understand. My mom listens to my sister when she says I hate them and i like my friends and their parents better. My mom just doesn't understand that they let me suffer my 24 years of life with my sister tormenting me. I'm going through therapy and it's bringing up some of the most intense emotions and feelings of anger and sadness I have ever had. I'm assuming my mom just thinks I'm a brat or I like other people better. I'm having a really hard time letting go of the pain from my childhood and i really just don't know where to go from here.

[beatricex]

Hi Em,
Really sorry for what you're going through.

This is so classic,

She tells me that I have always been horrible to her and traumatized her over the years.

uhm, then why the facials? 

A lot of the behavior you describe is classic, she's afraid you will abandon her.  What's your next move? 

I hear you and am listening.
 
b

[GaGrl]

You are in touch with your grounded reality, and you need to hold on to it, with the help of a good therapist.

At some point, a conversation with your parents will be in order.

[Em9321]

I was thinking about writing a letter to my parents... Don't actually know if I would give it to them, but I need some way to collect and organize my thoughts. I know if I have a conversation about it, I'll start crying and I won't be able to get my points across. I also can never find a time my sister is NOT home. And I definitely can't have this conversation while she is here. My mom is completely enmeshed with my sister. She listens to her crazy accusation and I believe she adopts them in one form or another. Including when my sister tells them that I hate them and I like my friends an their families more than her and my dad. I can sense that my mom believes nuggets of these lies which makes things even more horrible for me because she makes snide and rude comments to me that really hurt. Don't know how to deal with her. Don't know how to let go and stop caring what they think about me. My friends and boyfriend understand that this situation is not normal and validate me beyond belief, but for some reason I continuously look towards my family as if they will suddenly and magically be the supportive loving family I've always wanted and needed.