Blocked on social media

[Mr. Kelly]

Hey all,

My relationship has been off anon on for a better part of a year and a half.

My partner has broken up with me probably 6to 8 times, each usually by means of a nasty break up text, followed by quick blocking on all social media.

This time around, we had likely our longest and best three month period of no break ups, but then the crap hit the fan over about the last three weeks, and things started to unravel.

I got the break up text 10 days ago, and she says this one will be the last. She has said that numerous times before, though… but up until this point, I wasn’t blocked on social media.

I am shocked and saddened to see that after a week and a half, I’m suddenly blocked.

Do you guys have any thoughts as to what does this typically means in this kind of situation? I probably should try not to even think about it, since everything about this break up, and every other break up, has been the result of self-created fiction in her head. Nothing I have ever been able to do or say changes that narrative.

What are your thoughts about when estranged partners block you on social media? She knows I don’t even use social media that much.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Ventak]

My wife frequently does this to me and her online friends.  I always know we are in phase 2 of evil Husband when she turns off location sharing on her phone. Removing me as her husband on Facebook is phase 3...

Sometimes lasts a couple months after I go back to normal husband status.

[Mr. Kelly]

My wife frequently does this to me.

Sometimes lasts a couple months after I go back to normal husband status.

Thanks for your response…

Have you been able to figure out what triggers these kinds of splits, and what brings her back?

How do you guys fare amidst these splits?

[Ventak]

I may not be the best resource to answer for you.  My W recently went off her meds and is in the midst of a downward spiral of violence and was recently arrested (see thread near the top).  However, I will answer with as little cynicism as possible using historical analysis of the first 9.5 years.

It is impossible to tell with her what will trigger the split.  It can be anything from spilling milk while making the baby bottles at 2am and not cleaning it properly before I leave for work at 6:30am, asking her where she left the dog cleaning spray as I clean up the pee from her emotional support dog, or that I was flirting with a girl when we are out at a club.  What seems consistent with her is "time".  By that I use the analogy of a volcano... it builds up pressure and then explodes.  Her trigger events generally come 3-4 weeks apart, with 6 weeks being the long outlier, and 2 weeks being the short outlier.  Off meds we had 10 in a 5 day stretch.

Her original MO was she would go until I had a total breakdown.  Literally sobbing in a ball of mush on the floor.  Once she achieved that event she would feel shame and then go into a dark place for 4 hours to 3 days.  About four years in I started therapy and reading on how to deal with a BPD spouse and have been able to more effectively keep calm and de-personalize her rages.  This is when the social media blocking and newer coping mechanisms developed.  Since I don't have an emotional breakdown, she doesn't reach the shame and apologize state and has to cope with the new normal, which is in her mind that her husband is a verbally and physically abusive a**hole.  Honestly I'm not sure which is better for her, though I have more self respect.

Bringing her back is just time.  Can be 5 minutes, can be 3 days, but is almost always much faster than I recover.  I do frequently tell her I love her unconditionally, she is safe with me, and I am not going to leave her.  Even when she is in her anger mode.  I think this helps.

How do we fare... interesting question.  I generally fare poorly, but over time I'm phased less and less.  Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.  Living in her mind must be a non-stop tragedy... my heart breaks for her over and over thinking of what it must be like to live that life.

As I said, others will have much better advice and a much broader set of experiences from helping people on this forum.  Hopefully one of the 'masters' will chime in.. what I have is personal experience from a sample of one and a fair amount of research and personal therapy.