Experiencing Reversing a Painted Black Split with In-laws

[EZEarache]

Does anyone have any experience reversing a painted black split with an in-law?

My ex-gfBPD, now absolutely hates my mother for some reason that I don't completely understand. We broke up a little over a month ago. This is extremely complicated because we have 10.5 month old baby together. We're both sorting things out in regard to whether we want to continue this relationship other than as co-parents.

We had a good visit on Saturday, and she actually apologized to me. Not for anything specific. However, it was still meaningful for me, because up until that point she was placing all of the blame on my behavior.

I suggested that mothers day was coming up and if she wanted to do anything for Mother's day, together, it was an option. My parents are coming to visit me, and they offered baby sitting.

Ex-gfwBPD misunderstood, and started saying, something to the effect of, "I never want to have anything to do with your mother again."

I think I handled it O.K. and just said I understand that you don't like my mother, but we wouldn't actually be spending anytime with her, it would just be the two of us, sort of like a date. She got so riled up at the thought of my mother that she more or less poo-pooed the idea saying, "It's a month away let's talk about it closer to the date. Maybe we can just do something together in the future."

I'm like, O.K. let's talk about it again in the future.

I'm sure the relationship with my mother will never be fully corrected. Really on both sides, at this point. In their last interaction, my mother thanked my ex-gfwBPD for letting her know I was in the hospital. I read the text, that's really all it was. My ex totally flipped out on her and finished off by calling my mom, a "motherf#$!er." Until then, my mother was pretty much an advocate for us working things out.

Anyway, does anyone have experience or strategies to help improve this relationship. Up until October the two of them got along pretty well.

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[Cat Familiar]

Unfortunately I don’t know that there’s anything you can do to fix this on either side.

Your mother might be a symbol of the relationship not working out with you. And now your mother has seen your ex’s behavior directed at her personally, it’s unlikely she could look at your ex as a suitable partner for you.

The more you try and repair this with your ex, I’d predict that she would become even more resistant. It’s awkward because you’d like your parents to be involved with their grandchild, and they should be, but perhaps in a way that doesn’t involve your ex.

[EZEarache]

Your mother might be a symbol of the relationship not working out with you.

I think you might be right about this, based on the longer story that unfolded between them, once my depression started to set in, in October. I also fear that you are right in general about there being no hope for a relationship between my mother and ex. Which says a lot about any hope for the future between, me and my ex.

Sigh... I feel my zoloft kicking in now, LOL.