Happy Mothers' Day? Absolutely

[Huat]

While I haven't posted in a while, I continue to hover.   Today I feel the urge to put my fingers on the keyboard and send out Happy Mothers' Day greetings to all you mothers who are participating in this forum.

I am well-advanced in age.  Each of the Mothers' Days that I have lived through in past years have left me with such different memories...some happier than others. 

Oh the tales of woe I could tell.  It has been so difficult to ride the roller coaster of life with our troubled daughter.  When times were good, they were very-very good...but when they were bad...  : ((   ...having us always on edge wondering when the change would come.

She first ran away when she was 12.  She is 54 now and once again we live through another period of being estranged from her...almost 5 years... this time.  As doting grandparents, we filled in for the absent fathers when both of her children were born, trying as hard as we could to shield them from all the drama that surrounded their mother.  Relationships would break up.  Custody battles would be fought.  We were there to support her.  We made sure lack of funds was never one of her problems.

So now another Mother's Day and for sure this one child of mine who feels all her problems are because of me...the one I love but don't particularly like ... will be silent...again.   Will that bring on tears?  Not this year.  I have asked myself...do I really need her validation to confirm that I have been a good mother?  I know that for myself.  I am confident that I did the best I could with the information I had at the time.  When I knew better, I did better.   What more could be asked of anyone?  Yes, I have been a good Mom...maybe even a great Mom.  ; )

To each of you Moms, despite whatever scenario is played out on "your day"...I wish you well-deserved smiles.

Huat

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[normal person]

Well said. Happy mothers day to you too.

[wendydarling]

Thank you Huat from one Mom to another, you helped me through my darkest days and I will forever be grateful to you and other parents and members here. Woah I'm starting to flood. Happy mothers' day to you and all Mums. I wish you peace today Huat and yes you've been a great Mum, absolutely! 

And here is a message that is often shared on this day 'to mothers from Valerie Porr' means a lot https://www.tara4bpd.org/mothers-day

WDx

[KBug]

Happy Mother's Day to you and thank you for your post.  Your words of wisdom and long term survival are encouraging for me. You are doing a nice job of mothering us today. 

[mggt]

Happy moms day 

[wendydarling]

To you too MGG, lovely to hear from you! Hope all is well. 

[SCM]

Thank you Huat. I needed those encouraging words.
For me, estrangement has been going for 8 years 7 months and the very few times I heard from my daughter during this period has been emails filled with raging words and accusations she believes to be true. No only have I, her mom, been cut off from her life, but also her only brother, my son, and I heard that she has separated from her husband (divorced perhaps ?) a committed husband and father.
I think her bpd has gotten worse as she ages. Shel'll be 41 in a few days.
It hurts not being able to see my grandchildren nor be part of their lives. I take comfort in reaching out in prayer to the one who was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. He understands and knows what we're going through.



 

[Bluejay12]

Dear Huat,
I loved your post and so needed to hear your story tonight

[pursuingJoy]

Huat your message made me tear up. Thank you. I needed to hear that today. 

[zanne]

Huat and all the other mothers out there, I am sorry for getting this message out so late. I've been nursing the sting from not hearing from my daughter for the very first time in 34 years. (Well, yes, her father used to get the card for me when she was little; she's 34 now!)
As all of you, I have spent time wondering, "What the hey?" Years of good family  time, lots of friends, a child well cared for, all the creature comforts-and love-one child could ever dream of. Now this?
This is what I've come to believe: I did a great job as a mother, but dd has decided (with her new thinking process) that she doesn't want or need me anymore. Nonetheless, above all I hope for her happiness. If she finds it elsewhere, at least she finds it.
I'm very sure you all can say the same. You were all excellent mothers, and you, too, wish for the happiness of your child. Bless us all and Happy Mothers Day...

[normal person]

What you just said is so relatable. I hope we can stay strong and enjoy life despite a massive sadness that this sort of treatment from our most loved person causes.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Huat,
     You said, to yourself, what I have begun to say - this year. Birthdays and all other special days go by, unacknowledged. My wonderful husband has just said that he’s dreading Fathers Day. I said the same thing: “You are a great father who has gone all out for your son. Rest in that.”