Exhausted from my UBPD mom

[Nopuppets]

This is definitely a bad merry-go-round.  I’m trying to be sympathetic to my UBPD mom and include her in social activities with my teenage daughters.  We are on our last day of a family visit and yesterday things blew up.  My daughters wanted to see their cousins whom they haven’t seen for almost two years.  Why can’t my mom just be happy that her granddaughters have something fun to do instead of lashing out at me and my other cousin( the other children’s mother).  I kept my cool and the visit went on while my mom sulked and then refused to meet us later in the day.  She continued to sulk in front of her 5 sisters.  I would like to be at the point where I know this will happen and it wouldn’t bother me.  However, it still makes me not sleep at night after an incident.  My daughters are keenly aware of my mother’s behavior.  I refuse to let her do to them what she did to me.  Any advice on how to make this last day not so awkward?  I appreciate you all so much.

[pursuingJoy]

I kept my cool and the visit went on while my mom sulked

Nopuppets, just trying to drop a note since this is your last day and I want to help brainstorm. I think you nailed it with the above response. Great job!

What did your mom want that she didn't get? I'm a fan of organizing activities in a structured way and strategic way. Is there something you can do today that works for everyone that will also address her need to the point that her sulking doesn't impact the entire dynamic on the last day of your visit?

Of course, the bottom line is that she is 100% responsible for sulking. She does it because it elicits a response from you and others that meets her need for love and attention. It's a trigger for many of us and we internalize it, to the point of holding tension in our muscles. If it goes badly today, carry on and keep your cool like you did yesterday. Your girls are watching you and learning how to respond. Focus on that rather than your mom's sulking.

Thinking of you. You've got this.

[Nopuppets]

PursuingJoy, thank you for your suggestion.  Mom mom wanted to go to lunch with the teens.  They wanted their own time together which is understandable.  Besides her 5 other sisters are with us.  They weren’t offended.  Today I will try to have a plan so we can keep the peace.  However, her sisters will likely bow out of any plans so she can have her time with us before we leave.  I feel like they know how she acts but bow down to her, probably to avoid an incident.  Thank you for your encouragement!

[pursuingJoy]

Let us know how it goes. 

[Nopuppets]

PursuingJoy thank you for your support!  Today my mom was chilly in front of everyone so my girls and I went and had lunch just the three of us on the way to our flight.  I felt bad leaving my aunts to deal with her, but had to protect my daughters from the rage.  It will be nice to have a break and practice self care. ❤️