Legal thoughts?

[Bluejay12]

Our daughter, 37, has BPD and is married to an absolute narcissist. There are two grandchildren living in that home.  One is a 26 weeker premie, now 2 months old.  The other is an active 4yo girl who has repeatedly asked us if she could come and live with us.  (That is, when we are allowed to see her).  We are planning to seek legal advice but really don’t know where to start.  Any ideas from anyone dealing with similar situations?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Bluejay12
It is just so painful when a child pleads for your help, to be with you, safe and sound. Just heart breaking.

I think legal rights of grandparents etc will depend on where you live. There could well be a community legal centre in your area that will give you free advice. I live in AUstralia, and you can go to the court website and do live chat, or wait for a while to have your questions answered by phone.

There are many grandparents that come here who understand your suffering. And the answers are far from simple. Sometimes if you assert your legal rights, you end up completely alienated from your child, and the grandchild can be even more affected by the negative stuff they hear about you.

One thing that I have held onto in the past is that, once they are school age, each child has an opportunity to mix with other adults. It is a time when other people can be involved eg sometimes a child will disclose their situation to a teacher and social workers, psychologists etc can become involved.

Have you found out what the legal situation is in your area? I am interested to know what it is and how you think you will move forward in this situation.

Thinking of you  , , ,

[BonnieW]

Hi BlueJay

If you're a Toronto BlueJay fan (meaning Canadian), it is my understanding that grandparents have legal rights in Canada.  Would have to enforced through legal channels.  You might want to consult a lawyer?

I wish you well on your journey.

All the best

Bonnie

[beatricex]

In the state I live in in the U.S. grandparents have absolutely no rights.  I know because I researched it when my stepdaughter decided to not allow her Dad to ever see her kids again.

I sometimes hold out hope that her husband or his parents will contact us.  Seems weird that a relative like a bio grandfather will never be allowed to see or know his grandchildren, but I guess that's the way it works here.

When I read the title of this post I thought it would be about getting legal help for when your adult kid slanders you (sorry just watched the Dr Phil episode about that).  That one is more likely in our case...sadly.  we will be on the defense not offense there

[Bluejay12]

Thank you Sancho and others for your advice.  We are so deeply saddened that our granddaughter is living in such a tumultuous household.  Today was my 64th birthday and I wasn’t allowed to see our sweet 4yo grandchild.  Just so hard to look at her room and toys here and know they are keeping her from us.  BPD is such an evil disease.  We spoke with an attorney here in (MN).  Probably not much we can really do.  Grandparent rights really don’t exist here.  Heartbreaking but I know you all have experience with that