Overwhelmed with toxic messages

[Alicia F]

My 83 yo mother is currently going through an episode. She is upset because I set a boundary and told her that I would no longer accept listening to toxic things said about my husband of 27 years. I told her that we could continue to have a relationship but I would not tolerate listening to toxic things and would instead end our conversation. Since then (3 weeks ago), she goes from texting a simple sentence or 2 about every day things to paragraphs of things that she perceived that happened in the past. Trying to ride out the storm but it's beginning to wear on me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BonnieW]

I understand your difficult position.  My daughter did the same thing to me for many years and it got worse when I set boundaries.  BPDs don't like boundaries, get going with tirades and it's very wearing.  I had to block my daughter's number for the sake of my own mental health.  I've been much happier since I blocked her.  It brings me guilt and sadness, but my mental health is worth it.

I wish you peace.

Bonnie

[PearlsBefore]

(FYI, you might get better response in https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0 which is technically the board for parent-with-BPD, not a big problem)

The hateful text/email messages are so incredibly toxic, and a function of the modern world...but I know the solution!

I actually solved the problem back around 2011 by insisting that I didn't want emails or texts from that specific dBPD - and we could communicate by snail mail. She ended up writing me letters almost every day, but even the ones that started off toxic usually worked their way quickly around to more healthful topics - it took me less time to write her a few letters every week than I otherwise spent dealing with insane text messages threatening to kill herself, kill me, ruin me, ruin her co-workers, etc. It's also when I learned she has a...childlike side, since the letters would come covered in Sandylion stickers, glitter glue, gel pens, etc. It made the toxicity of keeping her in my life more tolerable to remember that ultimately she was still just a scared, anxious (destructive and dishonest) little girl in many ways who had never overcome childhood trauma.