Ghosted again and keen to detach (but I have his stuff?)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My bf with dBPD has a real pattern of splitting, not just with me but with others in his life. I met him in 2012 and after an on-off relationship of 18 months, he ghosted me. It was hell, and I spent a lot of time on here working through the fact that I could not detach. I think this was down to the way things were left than anything else.

Five years later he reappeared (after a lot of therapy) and we reunited. I am so glad we did as I got a lot of answers and a real sense of closure from the first ghosting. Anyway, 18 months later he has ghosted me again.

I believe the reason he’s done it is just because he’s split me black. I don’t think there was a real trigger for this, aside from a very minor difference of opinions - he’s been growing increasingly contemptuous of me lately and I suspect that after 18 months the shine had worn off; instead of moving into a different phase in the relationship, he’s concluded I’m all bad. Anyway without any kind of word or explanation, he’s gone. I sent a text last month but he hasn’t responded, so I’ve left it.

What I don’t understand is that I’ve still got loads of his stuff, including a key to his home. I’ve got stuff he would certainly want back. He’s not blocked me anywhere, he’s still on my social media etc and I know he read my text, but he’s acting like I don’t exist.

A month of silent treatment is definitely way past my statute of limitations for an ongoing relationship, so to me it’s clear this is over, but why has he left things yet again with no closure, this time by not only ghosting me but having left a lot of the things he surely wants back in my house? I’m not chasing him by repeatedly texting or trying to call, I’ve done that once and after last time I’ve learned my lesson. The ball is in his court to respond and at least arrange to collect his things (and tell me how awful I am at the same time if he really needs to do that). But there’s radio silence. I just don’t get it.

[Suspicious1]

My bf with dBPD has a real pattern of splitting, not just with me but with others in his life. I met him in 2012 and after an on-off relationship of 18 months, he ghosted me. It was hell, and I spent a lot of time on here working through the fact that I could not detach. I think this was down to the way things were left than anything else.

Five years later he reappeared (after a lot of therapy) and we reunited. I am so glad we did as I got a lot of answers and a real sense of closure from the first ghosting. Anyway, 18 months later he has ghosted me again.

I believe the reason he’s done it is just because he’s split me black. I don’t think there was a real trigger for this, aside from a very minor difference of opinions - he’s been growing increasingly contemptuous of me lately and I suspect that after 18 months the shine had worn off; instead of moving into a different phase in the relationship, he’s concluded I’m all bad. Anyway without any kind of word or explanation, he’s gone. I sent a text last month but he hasn’t responded, so I’ve left it.

What I don’t understand is that I’ve still got loads of his stuff, including a key to his home. I’ve got stuff he would certainly want back. He’s not blocked me anywhere, he’s still on my social media etc and I know he read my text, but he’s acting like I don’t exist.

A month of silent treatment is definitely way past my statute of limitations for an ongoing relationship, so to me it’s clear this is over, but why has he left things yet again with no closure, this time by not only ghosting me but having left a lot of the things he surely wants back in my house? I’m not chasing him by repeatedly texting or trying to call, I’ve done that once and after last time I’ve learned my lesson. The ball is in his court to respond and at least arrange to collect his things (and tell me how awful I am at the same time if he really needs to do that). But there’s radio silence. I just don’t get it.

[Sappho11]

Sorry to hear about the ghosting. It seems to be commonplace these days, but being ghosted after one year and a half, and twice, is something else. Good on you for setting firm boundaries and saying "that's it" now.

The last time but one when I was discarded by my BPDex, I stuffed all of his belongings into a box, carried it to the post office and sent it to him (even though he only lives 20 minutes away). No note, no nothing. Just his stuff, plus the things I had bought for him to make life more comfortable for him at my place.

It was cathartic. I checked the tracking information every day and when it said "delivered", I finally felt I was free.

Just be aware that this might spark the sudden realisation in him that he's really lost you for good, and that he might suddenly return pleading you to take him back. That's what happened to me last time. I did take him back, and I can tell you: it was not worth it.