On the fence/Need advice

[Parents! Get help here!]

 Good morning,
Mother of BPD 43 yr old.

Long story short, I cancelled a trip to Texas with her and her sister. What was I thinking? Anyway, now my cousin from Texas is commenting on my daughters post something that could be directed towards me. Of course they know nothing of the situation from birth till now.

Question: Do I ask my daughter what was said?
Do I ask my cousin what was said?
Let it go?
my thought is to ask daughter...I hate her thinking she can also start manipulating family we barely know   

Thanks. 63 tired Mom here

[Mom57]

 Good morning,
Mother of BPD 43 yr old.

Long story short, I cancelled a trip to Texas with her and her sister. What was I thinking? Anyway, now my cousin from Texas is commenting on my daughters post something that could be directed towards me. Of course they know nothing of the situation from birth till now.

Question: Do I ask my daughter what was said?
Do I ask my cousin what was said?
Let it go?
my thought is to ask daughter...I hate her thinking she can also start manipulating family we barely know   

Thanks. 63 tired Mom here

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pursuingJoy]

Dear tired mom, I hope you you make some time for peace in your day today. 

I might be inclined to let it go. If it was a life-threatening concern or something related to health or safety, I'm sure your cousin would have shared the information. My best guess is that it was just enough info to bait someone into contacting you? Does that sound right? My pwBPD is an expert at this type of baiting.

There's not always a right or wrong so trust your gut, of course, and keep your boundaries in place.

[Mom57]

Dear pursuing Joy,

I love your name :-)

You're spot on,  just couldn't think straight. I appreciate you reminding me of this. My habit is to bite. I'm SO trying not to. I always get such anxiety around this. It never ends...My analogy is jumping off of the ferris wheel, I had gotten back on again. I think I'm going to like this group and your support.

Thank you...

[pursuingJoy]

mom57, thank you  we can relate to the anxiety, and the guilt, and the urgency, and the other things that pwBPD have used to motivate us. Takes a hot minute to rewire the brain not to respond urgently. You're in great company and we're glad you're here. Big hugs to you.

[Bluejay12]

Yes so glad you are here!  After the past two years of misery tolerating our daughter and her “flying monkeys,” we are slowly learning to detach ourselves from the frequent drama and assaults always directed our way.  As my old friend had advised me , “step over it.”