What is/was your plan when your ex eventually reaches out again?

[IntoTheWind]

My ex broke up with me under the guise of her needing to seek help with her mental health. I’m not sure if it’s true or not, some of what she said was regurgitated from when I told her there’s a point where me providing her emotional support is bordering on me taking on the role of a carer, she already lied once about going to therapy so who knows? .

My last message to her, before going NC & blocking everything except her cell was that once she’s back on her feet, she’ll know where to find me.

I’ve never felt the need to plan how to respond to an ex reaching out before, but it’s almost like it’s necessary to protect myself from them.

I’m not sure what I’ll do when/if she reaches out again. I feel pretty strongly that I’d be able to keep her at arms length, but I won’t know until it happens?

I’m wondering what your plans were/are and if they went to plan when they did reach out?

[grumpydonut]

1. Rip her to shreds and tell her everything I know about what she was secretly doing behind my back.

2. Be as nice as I possibly can to make her feel terrible about what she is lost.

Neither is coming from a good place, though.

[HopelessBroken]

Hi ITW,

You kept her cell as an available way for contact, are you hoping she reaches out?

It seems that maybe you are on the fence?

The absolute best way to not even get into the situation of how to deal with her reaching out is preventing her from being able to reach out.  . But I know you know that. I’m thinking maybe you have a hope she might contact you.

[Cromwell]

Give yourself time and space. These relationships are enormous need fulfillment at the snap of their fingers requiring a response. It took me years of no contact to appreciate the benefits. Worrying what would happen 'if' back in contact is a post relationship anxiety of resuming communication with a volatile personality.

Time apart gave me a chance to recognise the difference.

None of us are owned by them.

Focus less on planning what to do and lead from your wants at the moment. Its a contrarian way of doing things from what didn't work before. There is no right or wrong script. Just dont attach via the emotional hooks, those are the ones that stick and create suffering to later detach.